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Photo of a young girl rolling her eyes as her mom speaks to her while holding a phone
Beech Acres, Cyberbullying, Screen Time, Social Media, Strengths

But Mom, ALL Of My Friends Are On Snapchat!

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“But mom, all of my friends are on Snapchat…”  You may have heard this familiar counter-argument coming from your pre-teen daughter or son recently. Or you heard it in the past. Or you’re about to hear it in a few years. Replace Snapchat with Musical.ly, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, TikTok, AOL, Dungeons & Dragons. The more things change, the more they stay the same it seems. And of course, this conversation is happening right after work, while your busy making dinner/cleaning the house/helping with homework/making a grocery list/paying bills/a million other parenting things that don’t involve a glass of wine and a relaxing book.  The thing is, you don’t even know what Snapchat is. You’ve got a Facebook account you never have time to check and you may have signed up for Twitter before it became a platform for politicians to shout from their digital soapbox. You’re not entirely sure you want your kids sending snaps or ‘gramming. Don’t worry. You’re not alone and unfortunately, there is no right answer. Just because your kid’s friends have their own vlog or their music on Bandcamp doesn’t mean its right for your child or your family.  First, you should know that the “but everyone else…” argument is a timeless parenting dilemma. Take refuge in knowing that the parents next door, down the road, and around the world have heard it time and time again. While the proliferation of the smartphone and access to broadband have modernized this age-old challenge, it’s something that every parent faces. It’s natural and normal for your kid to challenge you and use this common counter. If it’s not the internet, it’s dating, curfew, driving, spring break; you know, all of those other things you’re going to have to deal with in addition to Snapchat.  You can talk to other parents, even get some advice from one of our parent coaches in a parent coaching session (the first one is FREE), but ultimately this decision is going to be yours to make.  You must first decide if you are even going to let your child on to the social platform they are asking to be on. This is a great time to work on your family’s strengths of teamwork and judgment. Have a conversation! Find out why your kid wants to post lip-sync videos to musical.ly or live stream their Destiny campaigns. Look up these things together. Make sure you listen to your kid and do not quickly dismiss their request. They may not even know why they want to tweet. They just know all their friends are doing it. Remember everything in the world is the most important thing in the world to them. Figure out what appeals to them and what you’re willing to allow. Show compassion and a willingness to listen, talk and learn together. This is how you build trust.  Once you’ve decided they can sign up for a service, do it together. Make sure you understand what it is exactly a platform is doing. It may take you a while to sort out the difference between Swarm and Periscope, but knowing the basics will help you establish rules for use. Basic rules for using social media should be governed by your family’s values, routines, and already established ground rules for screen time and internet use. Don’t have ground rules yet? Check out our six tips for online bliss. In addition to those rules make sure you create rules specific to the platform they are using. For example, no inappropriate content on YouTube, no anonymous group chats on WeChat, no Snapchats after 9:00, and the phone is on the charger in the kitchen or living room overnight. Know their friend list and look through those DMs (that’s a direct message and almost all of these platforms have them).  Great! We’re on Twitch, now what? Let them have fun. Make sure they follow the rules you’ve established and make sure to check in on them from time to time. Once you’ve established trust these periodic check-ins should not be a surprise. Also, take this opportunity to build their strength of social intelligence. Make sure they understand to watch out for and report cyberbullying, messages from people they don’t know, and anything weird, inappropriate, or scary they may see online.  Now, let’s figure out where all the vowels are in Flickr and Tumblr togethr. 

13 reasons why television series graphic
Mental Health, Screen Time, Social Media, Suicide

13 Things To Know About 13 Reasons Why Season 2

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Netflix recently released season 2 of the popular and controversial series, ’13 Reasons Why’. The show is based on a 2007 young adult novel by Jay Asher. Here are 13 things you need to know about ’13 Reasons Why’. The Show Deals With A Wide Range Of Issues Teens Face Today Bullying, depression, sexual assault, drug and alcohol abuse, academic pressure, self-harm, and other contemporary issues facing teens today are addressed in the show, often with graphic detail. These are real issues that kids are facing every day. While ’13 Reasons Why’ is a work of fiction that dramatizes these situations, it is based on the reality that exists in today’s rapidly changing world. Netflix Provides Resources To Help Watch This Show Netflix has created this site with resources to help viewers unpack the difficult issues addressed in the show. They even include a discussion guide and provide a video if you choose to watch the show with your kids. Many mental health professionals including those at Beech Acres Parenting Center caution parents against letting their children watch this show. There is an excellent online toolkit created by various professional available online to help navigate the issues addressed in the show. After Season 1 There Was a Rise in Google Searches Related To ‘Suicide’ In the 19 days following the release of the first season of the show, Google inquiries for “suicide” increased by nearly 20%. Mature Audiences Only ’13 Reasons Why’ is rated TV-MA. TV-MA is defined as “This program is specifically designed to be viewed by adults and therefore may be unsuitable for children under 17. This program may contain one or more of the following: crude indecent language (L), explicit sexual activity (S), or graphic violence (V).” It’s Trending On Twitter The show received over 11 million tweets after its 2017 debut, making it the most tweeted about show ever. The level of attention and coverage of the show has created curiosity about the show for younger viewers. 1 in 5 Youth Between 13 and 18 Years Old Have or Will Have a Serious Mental Illness. Mental illness is a serious epidemic. Talk to your children. Know the warning signs of depression. These signs can include fatigue, loss of appetite, irritability, persistent sad thoughts, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Seek help if you have concerns about yourself or a loved one. Suicide is the 10th Leading Cause of Death in the United States It’s even higher for teens. According to the CDC, suicide is the #3 cause of death for ages 10-24. There Is Stigma Associated With Mental Health Issues Despite recent strides in removing this stigma, there is still much to be done. Organizations like Bring Change To Mind are working to eliminate this stigma. 16% Of Youth Consider Suicide A survey of high school students in the United States yielded some sobering results. 16% of the students surveyed seriously considered suicide and 13% had created a plan. 8% had attempted to take their own life in the previous 12 months. Many Teens Don’t Receive Help Suicide is mostly associated with depression but can be related to a diverse range of other mental health problems. Unfortunately, most teens in the United States with suicidal ideation did not receive any specialized mental health treatment. Reasons for this include a lack of awareness and understanding of the signs and symptoms, the stigma associated with mental illness, and lack of access to treatment resources. There Are Concerns The Show Romanticizes Suicide and Other Serious Issues Since the show deals with very real issues adolescents face, there is concern that vulnerable teens may identify with the characters, powerful storytelling, and sensationalized portrayal of these topics leading them to romanticize the decisions and actions made by characters on the show. Hannah’s Suicide Is Graphic To bring authenticity and elevate the drama portrayed in the show, many of the topics are presented in very graphic scenes. This includes the portrayal of the main character’s (Hannah Baker) suicide in season 1. The scene is detailed and lasts for nearly 4 minutes. Despite the warnings, this scene may come as a shock to young and old alike. Help Is Always Available Talk to someone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255. Educators can find guidance on addressing the show in school here. Additional information can be found here.

Photo of two parents and their child looking down at digital devices
Beech Acres, Cyberbullying, Online Safety, Parenting Tips, Parents, Screen Time, Social Media

Six Tips For Online Bliss

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Here are six quick tips to help you and your children get on the same page about screen time. Establish Some Simple Ground Rules Start by setting up some simple rules for everyone to follow. These can include no phones during meal time, no screens a half hour before bedtime, or no computer time until after homework is complete. These basic rules should reflect your family’s values and correspond with any established routines. Utilize your family’s strength of teamwork by working together to establish these rules. Doing so creates a sense of ownership and accountability in the process Choose Quality Over Quantity Rather than set a specific number of hours your children are allowed to be online, try starting a conversation about what they love and why they love it. Not only will this help you get to know your child better, but it can encourage their strengths of curiosity and love of learning by letting them spend time with something they really enjoy. If your child likes Harry Potter, for example, set them up on Pottermore or find some games related to the books. This way they are engaging with something they enjoy rather than spending mindless time scrolling through Netflix or YouTube.  Find Appropriate Time To Spend Online  Be intentional and mindful in setting aside time for your kids to be online. Sit down together as a family to develop, discuss, and create these rules. Discuss with them your daily schedules and routines and make sure screen time isn’t interfering with homework, family time, or extracurriculars. Remind them that screen time right before bed may interrupt their sleep. Reinforce the importance of completing their homework before jumping into a game of Fortnite. This will help them be more responsible about the time they choose to be online and develop their strength of self-regulation. Understand What Is and Is Not Appropriate Discussions about social media and screen time provide a great opportunity to reinforce your family’s values and to build on their strengths of judgment and social intelligence. While the internet is an awesome repository of all of the world’s collected knowledge and cat pics, it is also home to some pretty dark stuff. Empower your child to have fun and discover, but make sure they are equipped with the knowledge to avoid things like cyberbullying online predators, or malicious software. Utilize tools such as Google Safe Search Kids, a custom search engine that uses Google’s SafeSearch features along with additional filtering to block potentially harmful material. Establishing a relationship built on trust will let your child feel safe coming to you with any concerns that they have about inappropriate things they may see or encounter on the internet. Model Appropriate Screen Time Yourself Kids are observers of their world. Remember that. When you are having a conversation with your child make sure you are present and fully engaged. Put your phone on silent and put in on a table or desk. Being intentional about this will encourage your daughter or son to do the same. Make sure you comply with the ground rules you established. No phones at dinner or before bedtime. If your kids (or you) need a little help in this department check out the app Moment. It helps you track how much time you spend on your iPhone or iPad. You can set limits and even connect to and monitor your entire family’s usage. It can be eye-opening to see just how much time is being spent online. And most importantly, make sure to never text while driving!  Have Some Analogue Fun The internet has had a profound impact on our lives. It has made many things easier, more convenient, and even more fun. It allows us to connect and stay connected to friends, family, and the world around us. But, don’t forget the time before the iPhone, before AOL, or before that first PDA or dial-up connection. Approach some non-digital activities with zest. Read paperback books together. Take a walk, hike, or bike ride. Dust off the old board games and have a family game night. Check out our Parenting Resources page for more fun things to do. Value balance in your life between the internet and IRL. 

Photo of a family at the table for dinner time while they are all on digital devices
Cincinnati Parenting Survey, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents, Screen Time, Social Media

Parenting In The Digital Age

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Parenting in the digital age has added a significant layer of complexity to an already challenging job. With everyone’s heads buried in a screen all day, it can seem impossible to spend meaningful moments together as a family. Together, let’s tackle some of the challenges related specifically to parenting in the digital age. Screen time, social media, and cyberbullying are all important topics that today’s parents are faced with. While many parents fall back on the routines and techniques their parents used, these digital scenarios are new and unique to this generation of parents.  In today’s rapidly changing world it can be difficult to stay current with reliable, effective information on parenting. We may not have all of the answers, but we will try to help you navigate these new modern parenting challenges. Bookmark our blog, connect with us on social media, and sign up for our parenting newsletter for fresh perspectives from our parenting experts based on Natural Strength Parenting™, our unique, strengths-based approach to raising kids.  Check out these posts for more resources on parenting in the digital age. Parenting In The Digital Age Help! My Kid Might Be a Cyberbully! Apple and Google Address Concerns Over Screen Time Monitor Your Child’s Online Activity  Six Tips To Online Bliss But Mom! All Of My Friends Are On Snapchat!

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