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co-parenting

divorce, Parenting Tips, Parents, Parents & Partners Divorcing

Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce: Tips For Co-Parenting

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NEW! Welcome to Talking to Your Kids About Divorce, brought to you by the team at Beech Acres Parenting Center! In this FREE course, you’ll be given a brief introduction to talking to your children about divorce and how to keep them informed throughout the process. Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce Once your divorce is finalized, it is critical to be on the same page with the other parent about raising and loving your children. Accept that, while the marriage is over, you will be parents together forever. The family is not ending; it is being reorganized. Tips For Co-Parenting Maintaining a parental relationship after divorce requires the ability to communicate. A clear co-parenting plan helps establish the boundaries in which you will parent your child together. Build from the ground up. Do not assume old patterns; establish new ones with your child’s best interests in mind. Clarify the expectations of the new relationship. Be intentional about how you behave with your former spouse. They are now your business partner in raising your children. Be Intentional Start with a clear plan that keeps your child’s well-being front and center. Make all agreements and arrangements clear. Use written agreements or digital calendars to stay organized. Be clear and complete in your communications. When creating schedules, always include times, places, and various needs (clothes, dinner, etc.). Schedule appointments to talk about your children when they are not present. Having this dedicated time to discuss issues related to raising your children will help keep you on the same page. Raising your child together “on purpose” helps increase stability for you and your child. Be Strong Your mutual concern is the well-being of your children. Establish a partnership that recognizes your reorganized family’s strengths. Lead with love always, but be prepared to flex your strengths of teamwork, judgment, and sometimes forgiveness. Be aware of and appreciate your own strengths as a parent and human being, and recognize the strengths of your co-parent. This allows you to see and grow your child’s natural gifts. Show appreciation for the other parent whenever possible in front of your children. Seeing you express appreciation, no matter how small, contributes to the greater success of the parenting partnership, which puts your children at ease. Be Mindful Being present, fully engaged, and accepting in each moment you spend with your child is so important. You cannot control what happens at the parent’s home beyond trying to establish clear guidelines for your co-parenting plan. Do not focus on or compare households, rather spend your time with your child the best way that you can. Listen to what they have to say and respect their feelings. This will create a loving, caring atmosphere in your home that reminds your child that they are loved and safe. Co-parenting using an intentional, strengths-based, and mindful approach gives you a blueprint for success. Staying on the same page, respecting each other, and being flexible whenever possible creates a strong, unified experience that shows your child that you love them and have their best interests at heart. More in this series: Telling Your Kids Working Through Custody Together

Photo of a young girl hugging her father goodbye
divorce

How to Create a Smooth Transition into Co-parenting

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Managing a household while parenting can easily feel overwhelming, especially when navigating your family through a co-parenting lifestyle. It is natural to go through the bumps in the road when figuring out the best decisions for your kids but here are a few tips to help create a smooth transition into co-parenting.  Communication is Key You may have heard the saying “good communication is the bridge between confusion and clarity” (a quote by Nat Turner). Good communication is a key piece to the puzzle when setting a foundation to this next step in your children’s lives. When helping your children cope with divorce and the changes that come with it, it’s important to view your partner as a “business partner” and completely avoid using your children as messengers. Like the game telephone you might have played growing up, so much crucial information could get lost in the translation. Not only can it cause tension between you and your co-parent but it also puts the children in the middle of an adult situation that they should be left out of.  When communicating with your co-parent it is important to leave emotion out of the dialogue as you would a business partner. This will give you both the space and mental capacity to truly make decisions for the best interest of your child/children and not make decisions out of emotion.  Home is Where the Heart is  Just like after a long day at work, there is nothing more relaxing than being home in a space you can truly unwind in. Although “home” might look different for you and your children, your new home together can easily become a sanctuary for your family to grow and make memories in. The financial changes from a two-income home to a one-income home can be an adjustment. When in the market for your new home, consider applying for an FHA loan. FHA loans have a lower credit qualification requirement, require less money down, and have higher seller concessions.  When grounding roots in your new home, let your children help make your new home “yours”. Let them in on decisions in their room and living space, hang up photos of the memories you have made together and display a family calendar. This will give them a sense of ownership and help ease the transition to a new living space while simultaneously keeping your child in the loop of whose house they will be at on what days.   Perspective Can Change Anything A shift in perspective can change your entire experience. Being consistent in your co-parenting approach will encourage peace in your and your children’s lives and reduce stress for everyone involved. As a result, the transition from house to house will happen with ease. It is common for co-parents to hyper-focus on the smaller details of the other house, become in competition with the other parent, or even be emotionally reactive towards each other. By making a conscious effort to focus on your time with your kids, practice peace, and stay intentional when managing your interactions with the co-parent, time spent doing damage control can actually be put towards the time spent with your children.  Although co-parenting is no easy task, it can be done successfully and looked back on as a positive experience. At the end of the day, the beautiful children you have together are worth the time and effort needed to live a happy and healthy life post-divorce. 

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