Warm Up The Winter Family Challenge Calendar
Warm up the winter with this fun Family Challenge from The Character Effect™! Download and print this December calendar full of strengths-based activities and mindful moments for every day this month.
November 2018
Thank You Jim Mason For 40 Years of Service At Beech Acres Parenting Center!
Jim Mason has committed his professional life to a simple, but challenging purpose – strengthening families so children can achieve their unique potential. Jim has filled numerous roles on that journey including teacher, coach, probation officer, therapist, trainer, and leader. In his 40 years with Beech Acres Parenting Center, Jim has led the agency through several transformations, each with the effect of deepening and expanding its mission in the face of a rapidly changing environment. Jim and his wife, Debby, have been married for 41 years. They have three married, adult children and eight grandchildren. Jim greatly values time with his family, which has provided a rich “practice field” for Beech Acres’ Natural Strength Parenting™ approach! Check out Jim’s profile on our website or connect with him on Linked In to more learn about his leadership and career. Thank you, Jim, for 40 years of empowering parents and strengthening families in our community!
Giving Tuesday 2018
Today is #GivingTuesday! This year we are asking you to support mental health programs for 100 families. Help us raise $2,500 this year and you will be strengthening families right in your community. Your support at any level will inspire and equip parents to raise capable, caring, contributing children! Here is one mom’s story. Your gift supports local families like this one every day. Lynda came to Beech Acres Parenting Center on a recommendation from her son’s school. One of her boys was struggling with anxiety which was impacting his academic performance. Mom was struggling at home as well. Working from home had become stressful as the boys were having difficulty getting along with one another, often crying, and unable to focus. “It was not great at home. I was frustrated by their behaviors. I was desperate for any fix.” Through her active involvement in her son’s therapy, mom gained valuable insight into her son’s world. And her own. “Once I became invested in his therapy I realized there was a lot of things that would help me, as well. I chose to not only help him but teach myself how to be involved in his life.” Through therapy and parent coaching, Lynda gained three valuable strategies to change the trajectory of her family’s life. Focus on strengths, improve communication utilizing powerful questions and expansive listening, and reduce screen time at home. It worked. “My children talk to me now. They approach me with issues. If there is an issue in our house I have a child at my feet letting me know about it. They play together rather than always staring at a screen,” Lynda said. To reduce her oldest son’s anxiety, mom learned to lean into his strength of curiosity. “He always wants to know ‘why’”, Lynda said. Now, they take the time to be present and explore together. “Now, I have brothers who love each other and like hanging out with mom. Everything is better.” This mother’s story is not unique. Your support of Beech Acres Parenting Center is empowering moms and dads across the community to be fully engaged with their children. Give today. You can support Beech Acres Parenting Center this Giving Tuesday in several ways. Make a donation on our website. Donate on Facebook. Donate on PayPal. PayPal and Facebook are matching donations today as well!
How to Go From Power Struggles to Powerful Solutions
Parents want an effective technique that shifts the power struggle to a more positive interaction so that both parent and child can feel less frustrated. This proactive approach teaches accountability and gives the child an opportunity to feel confident in their decision about how to manage their own behavior, a skill any parent wants their child to have as they mature. Here is the 5 step approach that you can use no matter what the situation or your child’s age. The example here is that a 6-year-old boy fights with his 4-year-old brother. State what happened and the emotion that accompanied the action calmly and without judgment. “You felt angry with your brother for grabbing your game, so you hit him”.You are connecting the emotion with the behavior for your child. They may not always be aware of the feeling that triggered their reaction. This can occur at any age. You are calm and stating this in a non-judgmental way. State briefly and calmly your family value.“We do not hit people when we are angry or frustrated”. Prefacing this statement with “you know better”, or “how many times do I have to tell you” is not effective and can create more aggravation and frustration for both parent and child. Since most children feel singled out (how many times does one child feel the other gets away with everything), be fair and show compassion. “Sometimes things may not seem fair. But I want you to know that in this instance, your brother will be held accountable for his part in this, too.” Be clear about the consequences that he knew of in advance. “When you hit your brother you lose one hour of game time”. If he becomes upset, be genuine in your response: “I can see that you feel disappointed in your choice that is now costing you your game time”. Add to this “I am confident that you can find a better way to respond that will not cost you your game time”. Children need to know what to expect in advance. Consistency is key. They test boundaries when they believe that it is possible to change the outcome. And using the phrase ‘your choice’ is a reminder to him that he has control over how he chooses to react. Discover solutions with him. “What do you think you can do differently the next time that you feel angry?” Be a champion of his strengths. “You are very creative. How might that help you find another way to react?” Be curious about his idea with him. This will enable him to visualize completing whatever idea he comes up with. Show confidence in his choice. “I like your plan!” And whether he forgot to try, tries and it did not work or it was successful, encourage him to keep at it. You may notice that you are parenting ‘side-by-side’ with your child but still managing the ‘flow’ of the situation. Calmly, supportively, in charge. Like this approach? Download it here. To learn more about Natural Strength Parenting™ click here.
What is Discipline, Really?
What is Discipline? By Guest Blogger Connie Harrison, Senior Parent Educator, Beech Acres Parenting Center The dictionary has several definitions for the word “discipline”. These include; training to follow rules, a set or system of regulations, and punishment. As a parent, what are you describing when you are talking about discipline with your child? Is it punishments or consequences? Is it compliance with rules or your expectations of acceptable behavior? Or is it something else entirely? Humans are born without the ability to regulate our physical and emotional states. We can observe the beginning of this as a newborn will cry differently to signal hunger from other needs. As parents, one of our most important tasks is to help children go from this start, where all regulation is external, to the desired place in adulthood, where regulation is internal. This is a process, not an event or set of rules. It takes many of us a lifetime to reach the goal of regulating our behavior and emotions. I find it helpful to think of this as a process, and to describe it as “Guidance”. What does the process of guidance include? First, it depends on attachment between parents and child during infancy. It includes some information on child development and knowledge of each individual child. It also includes a partnership among the caregivers of each child, especially parents who have the primary responsibility for helping a child with their social-emotional growth. These core elements allow families to set up a system of guidance that is clear, rewards positive behavior, corrects undesirable behavior, and changes as each child grows. Each family may intentionally determine what the system of guidance includes in their household. One important basis for the system that parents start with is the family’s values. Do you choose honesty and love of learning, or kindness and gratitude? Determine family rules based on these values. Keep it simple, with 3-4 rules stated positively. For example, instead of “No Yelling” try “We use a calm and quiet voice”. Set other limits within the family that are appropriate to the ages of children and the situation. One of the most important things to do within a system of guidance is to be consistent. Children of all ages will test limits, it is one of the ways that they learn. If it is unacceptable to walk around the family room with food on Monday, it must be unacceptable on Thursday and Saturday as well. There are consequences for not complying with the limits. If I go over the speed limit and am observed doing so by law enforcement, the consequence is a ticket. Consequences at home should be similar: fitting the infraction and dispensed both firmly and fairly. Keep in mind that firm does not equal mean. Be aware that most of us want to “over-explain” to our children. If we are using a system of guidance, with clear rules and limits and predictable consequences, we can keep our explanations short. Our children are not going to agree with us about the consequences, and all these explanations are training little lawyers who have a counter argument for every point. Above all, establish your guidance with love for your children. Maintain a positive atmosphere in your family, and give real praise and gratitude for kindness every day. Have an established routine each day, and use it to assure that each family knows what to do and is allowed the freedom to have responsibility for their own actions, and to deal with the consequences when they choose not to abide within the limits. Enjoy your family. Celebrate your strengths and accomplishments, review your shortcomings with support to make changes and grow together.
Changing The Outcomes Of Conversations With Your Children
Changing The Outcomes Of Conversations With Your Children This might sound all too familiar: You begin a conversation with your child about an expectation or a request and it’s met with an explosive response or a refusal to do what you’ve asked. If you are like many parents in this situation, you may react to your child’s defiance with a reactive response of ‘how dare you speak to me that way’ and then follow up with a consequence. Often, this is the start of a vicious cycle. Meltdowns, followed by more threats of taking things away ensue. Suddenly you realize that you have ended up miles away from where you’d intended. With Natural Strength Parenting™, you can change the outcome of a conversation with your child by being intentional, leaning into your strengths (and theirs), and being mindful about your expectations and their reactions. This approach can work whether they are two or a teen. Ready for a few simple steps to help you change the outcomes of conversations you have with your children? When there is a reoccurrence of defiant dialogue, partner with your child in problem-solving. This approach offers them the opportunity to learn emotional self-regulation. Try saying something like this; “A lot of times we have a problem talking about chores that need to get done. What do think we can do to avoid the frustration and anger we both end up feeling?” This intentional approach reframes the dialogue and puts the solution, not the problem, in focus. Show appreciation and empathy. Being mindful of your child’s feelings can help defuse potentially volatile situations. Try saying; “I understand not wanting to clean up your room. I don’t like cleaning either”. This does not mean your child does not have to do their chores. Instead, you align with them and they get to hear that you understand their feelings. Power struggles happen when the conversation is centered around what needs to get done. Change the conversation from a threat to a more positive outcome. The shift can be from something that sounds like this; “If you don’t clean your room, you can’t go out and play” to something more like this; “When you get your room cleaned, you’ll get to do your favorite thing and play outside. What do you think you’ll do? Ride your bike?” Be playful. This eases the stress for both parent and child. Try making chores “fun” by saying something like this; “Make like the wind and let’s see who gets their dirty clothes to the laundry room first”. You can also try reminding them of things that they enjoy. “I know that listening to music while you work always makes chores go faster”. Pairing something they love with something they may not want to do can make the time go quicker and easier. Focus on their strengths. Just like you, your child possesses their own unique strengths. Lean into those strengths to help them accomplish little tasks and big challenges. Try this; “You are so creative. How can you use your creativity to help get through something you are not very excited about doing? I’d love to hear some of your ideas. I may even try some of them myself!” By taking a proactive approach to conversations, even unpleasant ones, you can get to the outcome you desire. You are still in charge, they learn to hold themselves accountable, and you can celebrate what’s going well instead of punishing what is not.
Discipline
Discipline means to ‘teach or train’, it is all about learning. Natural Strength Parenting™ can help you approach discipline in a manner that is intentional, strength-based, and mindful. By taking a proactive approach to discipline, or any other parenting challenge, you can get to the outcome you desire. This month we will be providing unique insights into discipline from our parenting experts. Topics we’ll be covering include, Changing the Outcomes of Conversations with Your Children, Powerful Struggles to Powerful Solutions, and What Is Discipline. Be sure to bookmark our blog to follow along and sign up for our newsletter to have parenting information delivered right to your inbox.
Adoption Day!
We were thrilled to be part of Hamilton County’s Adoption Day this morning! Thirteen kids were adopted into nine different families as part of the ceremony. The ceremony was held this morning at 9:00 a.m. in the courtroom of Judge Ralph Winkler. This was the 12th year for the ceremony which is held as part of National Adoption Awareness Month. Often these kids are left hoping to find a permanent family. National Adoption Awareness Month was established to raise awareness of the need in communities across the country for foster care and adoptive parents. Each day around 1,200 kids live in foster care in Hamilton County. If you’ve ever considered fostering or adopting a child, now is a great time to learn more. A child in your community is looking for someone to open up their homes, and their hearts, to them. Find out more by visiting our website or calling 513-231-6630 today.
