Megan & Alesia Spencer

Foster Parents Since 2021

 

What convinced you to try fostering?

Alesia: I think both of our answers are a little bit different. I learned about foster care growing up. My mom wanted to do it, but had four kids, so she never got around to it. It’s always been an interest of mine, since high school, and then when I graduated college, a close friend of mine got into fostering, and I loved every step of it. I kind of fell in love with it even more. I was at her house a lot helping with the kiddos. So, I wanted to help as well. And then also being a same sex couple, it’s not really easy having kids on our end. It’s a time consuming process. So, in the meantime, we wanted to help as many kids as we could.

Megan: I came from a single mother home. So, it literally took a village to help raise myself and my siblings. I know that everyone just needs help. We’re just here to help the kids. And that’s exactly why we became foster parents.

 

What do you tell people about your first foster experience?

Alesia: We were placed with four kids right off the bat. They were aged three months up to nine years. I think it challenged us on every single aspect of kid levels: school age, daycare, preschool. We learned a lot in those first six months, and then the younger two left. And then we had the older two, nine- and seven-year-olds. We had them for eighteen months, and we still talk to them today. They still come over to the house, probably once a month for the weekend. And they come every school break to give their grandma a little bit of a rest. They’re almost thirteen and eleven now.

Megan: We couldn’t have done it without the help of Beech Acres, that’s for sure. Our social worker, all the resources, our supervisors… it literally took a team effort to get us where we are today.

Alesia: We had a lot of behaviors with the little boys who were in our care with the sibling set of four. And just having Amanda, our social worker, there to help the first month, which was a wild ride, was amazing. She kept us sane and grounded, sending over to us all the resources that she could.

 

How has having other families around to support you helped?

Alesia: Something that I don’t think either one of us realized was how important respite care was. Having other families that get it and having families who just were there to help …  it gives me goosebumps, just thinking about them. We’ve made some lifelong friends in foster care and in respite care. We still watch their adopted kids; they still watch our adopted kids. We’ve made family friends now with the connections that we got from Beech Acres.

Megan: Do not be afraid to use respite. Beech Acres has reiterated that, and they were great about networking. I mean, we are all a family. It does literally take a village to parent … parent in general, whether they are biological, foster, or adopted. I definitely would say, use respite care and don’t be afraid to ask for help and make friends because you will need it.

 

Do you have any advice for a new foster parent?

Alesia: Make sure you learn about your foster child’s culture; that was a big thing. We’re still in the process of it and have had fun learning about other cultures. We’re personally learning about food, hair… that’s a big one, learning what they eat, what they celebrate. It all made us nervous in the beginning, but now I love learning about them. I love learning about their families. I love bio families in general. I love just wanting to help and being there and trying to keep certain things grounded for them.

Megan: And I think what I gained personally from fostering is to have a relationship with the biological family as best as you can, because you are going to need that help on your team. The ultimate goal is reunification. Sometimes it happens, but sometimes it doesn’t. And you still want to be there and support the biological family. Our kids were unified, and we still have a great relationship with the biological grandmother. We get the kids to this day, even though they’re not in foster care, but they know we are their people. So, we’re just family now.

Alesia: I think everything is about and for the kids and the families. I don’t have any regrets and I would do it all over again.

 

What is one myth about foster care that you found to be untrue?

Alesia: I know that people say that they would get too attached. I just think people need to reword their sentences. It’s not about you, it’s about the kids and how you can impact their lives. Most of their brain function from zero to two is just connection, they need connection. And Megan and I are willing to do that. If it doesn’t work out that they stay, then that’s what we were here for… just to make those little brainwaves kick-in and make sure that they’re loved and cared for.

 

What would you tell someone considering becoming a foster parent?

Megan: It’s been the wildest, hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life,  but also the most rewarding. Just to know that you’re making a difference in a child’s life and to see them smile and grow and learn.  They come in here just broken. They gain some stability. And kids just want to be loved. So that’s what you can do: just LOVE A Child. It’s one of the easiest things you could do.

Alesia: Foster Care has such a negative connotation, and I hate that. And I know that there are some crazy instances out there but they’re pretty few and far between if you really think about it. So just give these kids a chance. If it’s not for you, then don’t do it. I mean, if it is then you’re going to make some super great connections and you get to follow these kids from three months, nine months, ten months, twenty years. I mean, it’s a cool experience, I think one of the coolest I’ve ever had.

Megan:  I would just challenge you to take some training classes if you’re on the fence. It doesn’t hurt to take the training classes just to see what foster care is all about. You grow personally. Relearning and learning again. It doesn’t hurt to take a class. I would challenge everyone to just start taking the classes on foster care, just to see what it’s all about, because it could potentially change a life.

 

Can you share with us your adoption experience please?

Megan & Alesia: We have a seventeen-month-old who we adopted. We got called when he was two months old. He was in the NICU. He was born three months early and had quite a few complications in his early days. And then when he was suitable enough to go home, nobody showed up for him. So, we did. His parents weren’t involved any step  of the way. We got to adopt him in November of last year. It gives me goosebumps just talking about it. And his name is Maverick. He is doing amazingly. He has overcome a lot of stuff in his seventeen short months. He has changed our life. We started fostering to just help kids and the goal was reunification. And you fall in love. And now he’s ours. He’s our little boy now.