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2019

Photos of a family's adoption journey
Foster Care, foster care month, Foster Parents

A Foster Care Mom Shares Her Story

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A Typical Morning This morning began like many of my mornings. With one of my kids lying on the floor. “What’s up sweetie?” “I don’t want to brush my teeth!” “Why not?” “Grown-ups don’t have to brush theirs! I’m never brushing them again!” I can’t argue with that logic, at least not this morning. I’ve got 4 kids to get ready for the day and a 9:00 meeting to get to. This morning and every morning are probably just like any other parent’s mornings. Fun, loud, chaotic, stressful, full of love. The entire range of emotions before breakfast! A Desire To Foster My morning may be like any other mom’s morning, but my family is being built a little differently. I am a foster mom and I wouldn’t change this morning or any morning for anything in the world. My husband and I knew a lot of people who were foster parents and thought it was an awesome thing. We had that culture built up around us. My husband had a college professor who had fostered over 80 children over the course of 30 years! We saw a tremendous need as well as the tremendous impact. We wanted to be part of that. A Service Trip Sparks A Flame Seeing the people close to us foster children was a tremendous influence on us, but we didn’t take action until after my husband and I took a service trip to the Philippines. We were interacting with local people in a non-tourist location and witnessed things that had a major impact on our lives. Now, the child welfare system is vastly different in the Philippines than it is here. We visited a church and found a local pastor caring for 15 orphans living there. It broke my heart. We began researching international adoption. We quickly found there were a lot of barriers to us being able to adopt internationally. We realized there were a lot of kids here that needed homes too. Our eyes become open to the needs of children right in our community. How Do You Handle It When A Kid You’ve Fostered Goes Home I was that person! We were that family, that was absolutely terrified. I knew I could love a child that I didn’t grow, but I didn’t know I could handle it when a kid went home. That was my biggest fear. We began our journey with the intention to foster to adopt. We wanted to know that whatever kids we loved we wouldn’t have to say goodbye to. But, this process absolutely changes you. We’ve been fortunate to have adopted one wonderful child (and are in the process of our second!), but we’ve gone from our biggest fear being a kid going home to it being our biggest hope. We’ve seen two kids go home and it’s been fantastic. Seeing a family be successfully reunited, to see them be put back together is a tremendous and humbling accomplishment. I’ve Never Parented (a teenager, a child with special needs, a child with behavioral issues) I Wouldn’t Know What To Do We are capable of so much more than we think we are. We are fostering a teenager right now. I’ve never parented a teenager before, and I don’t know what I’m doing. I taught high school and my husband and I led a youth group. We were around teenagers all the time. We had a lot of experience with teenagers, but we didn’t think we could handle a teen in our home. But it’s not as hard or scary as it seems. We came to realize having a teen in our home is just like loving those teens we taught. There may be new challenges and different circumstances, but if you love a child you can make it work. How Do I Overcome My Fears? Fear holds so many people back. Fear has a way of keeping us from doing things that we would otherwise be great at. The fear of what is it going to be like with the other children in my home. The fear of if their behaviors are out of my control. The fear of losing them. These are all valid fears, but they shouldn’t hold you back from doing what is right. Talk to people who have had experience fostering. Know that you will have support from your agency. At Beech Acres Parenting Center we work to build a supportive community around our foster care families. Know that you will have a network to support you. I Don’t Know Where To Start I didn’t know where to start. I felt like a deer in headlights. The first step is choosing to be brave enough to try. Bravery is not about not being scared. Bravery is about doing what you know is right regardless. We were prepared and wanting to foster for about two years before we moved forward on pursuing licensing. We were emotionally prepared, but not logistically prepared. Seeing how much joy this has brought to our lives, I wish we would have moved forward sooner. I Heard (Insert Myth About Fostering Here) There are a lot of myths out there. Some are true and some, well, not so much. Myth 1: There are too many rules! That’s true. There are a lot of rules. Including a number of strange sounding rules, lots of scrutiny, and many standards to comply with. That is true. Myth 2: You have to be married or have a two-parent home. Not at all! Loving parents come in all shapes and sizes! Almost anyone who is ready to love a child can be a foster parent. We have many successful single parents, unmarried parents, gay parents, straight parents or unmarried partners that foster. Myth 3: There is an income requirement. While it is important that you can demonstrate your ability to financially support a child, your capacity to love a child is not reflected by your financial status. I Think I’m Ready You are

Graphic of a black smartphone with positive text messages displayed on the screen
Parenting Tips

How To Let Your Kids Know You Love Them Every Day…And Make Sure They See It 📱

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Sometimes your children just need to hear that you love them. Between school, sports, clubs, and other responsibilities you may miss these opportunities to let them know how you feel. Send them a quick text. They already have their phone📱in their hand anyway! It may just brighten their day. 🌞 Share messages of love openly and often. It may be corny, but anything parents can do to practice communicating and reaching out frequently is good. Here are some ideas to let your kids know you love them every day. Texts are something kids will always read whether they admit it or not. Download these and other ideas to make your home a safe place for communication.

Photo of a group of teenagers looking at mobile phones
Uncategorized

May Is Mental Health Awareness Month

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Every day millions of people live with a mental illness. This includes one in five adolescents, 13-18 years-old. A new, national Children’s Mental Health Awareness Study we conducted this year offers insights into the evolving perceptions and practices of parents regarding the mental health of their children. The study shows that acceptance of mental health as a key factor of overall health is becoming increasingly mainstream among parents. During the month of May, we have the opportunity to raise awareness of mental health and work toward removing the stigma associated with it. Join the conversation on Facebook and Twitter and be sure to sign up for our quarterly parenting newsletter.  

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Uncategorized

Happy Mother’s Day!

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Happy Mother’s Day! There are many important women in a child’s life. But none are more important than “mom.” Mom may be a birth mother, an aunt, a sister, a special mentor or teacher, foster care parents, grandma, or another kinship caregiver. A “mom” is any woman who provides a child with love, protection, and guidance. This Mother’s Day, we celebrate all moms! Happy Mother’s Day!  Make a gift today in honor of a special mom in your life and we’ll send your honoree a message of gratitude. When you make your gift, we’ll also send a note of encouragement to a kinship caregiver or foster care mom thanking them for providing care to a special child. On behalf of moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, and other special women raising kids in our community, thank you for your support!        

White celebrate moms graphic with red hearts on it
Donate, Moms, Mother's Day

Celebrate Moms This Mother’s Day With A Gift To Beech Acres Parenting Center

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Celebrate this Mother’s Day by honoring the special “mom” in your life! There are many important women in a child’s life. But none are more important than “mom.” Birth mothers, aunts, sisters, a special mentor or teacher, foster care parents, grandmothers, and other kinship caregivers. A “mom” can be any woman who provides a child with love, protection, and guidance. This Mother’s Day, honor your mom or another special “mom” in your life while also providing essential support to mothers in your community with a gift to Beech Acres Parenting Center. Because of friends like you, mothers of all types are receiving the Beech Acres tools and resources they need to provide loving care to the most vulnerable children in our community. Make a gift today in honor of a special mom in your life and we’ll send your honoree a message of gratitude. When you make your gift, we’ll also send a note of encouragement to a kinship caregiver or foster care mom thanking them for providing care to a special child. On behalf of moms, grandmas, aunts, sisters, and other special women raising kids in our community, thank you for your support!    

Photo of the words Boys and Girls on bright blue and pink backgrounds
Gender, Parenting Tips, Parents

Tips To Help Parents Understand and Discuss Gender Issues With Their Children

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Tips To Help Parents Understand and Discuss Gender Issues With Their Children Understanding and discussing gender can be as complex as exploring gender identity or as simple as “blue” versus “pink”. All month long we’ve been sharing tips from our parenting experts on understanding and discussing gender topics with your children. We’ve collected all of the topics we’ve covered as well as some informative links to help you navigate this topic with your children. Be sure to sign up for our parenting newsletter to have information like this delivered straight to your inbox. The Pink Aisle Versus The Blue Aisle Have you ever really considered why the toy aisles at your favorite department store are divided into “boys” and “girls” sections? What makes a toy a “boys” or a “girls” toy? Read more… Understanding Gender Roles Your children’s understanding of gender begins much younger than you might expect. What do you need to know? Read more… Understanding Differences between Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression Today’s society is becoming increasingly sophisticated in how we view gender. Experts who work with youth and gender issues share the two most common myths: Gender is binary, offering only two options Gender and sex are the same things. The take-aways: your gender is not based on your anatomy. And people can be “gender fluid” rather than only male or female. Read more… Coming Out: A Guide for Parents of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Gender Expansive (LGBTQ+) Youth Parenting is full of surprises. From the day your child was born, parenting likely took unexpected twists and turns. Parents’ dreams and expectations for their children evolve over time as families create their own paths. When parents learn their child is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or gender-expansive (LGBTQ+), they may experience a wide variety of emotions. Read more… Other Links: https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm/ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/articles-and-answers/ask-the-expert/tips-for-parents-lgbtq-youth https://beechacres.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Fast-Facts-BAPC-Transgender-FINAL.pdf https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Gender-Identity-and-Gender-Confusion-In-Children.aspx https://www.unicef.org/blog/parenting-lgbtq-children-mental-health https://www.commonsensemedia.org/watching-gender-infographic https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/fall-2007/not-true-gender-doesnt-limit-you https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/summer-2013/the-gender-spectrum https://depts.washington.edu/dbpeds/healthy-gender-development.pdf

Photo of a young girl holding the hands of her mother as she talks to her
Gender, Parenting Tips

Coming Out: A Guide for Parents of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Gender Expansive (LGBTQ+) Youth

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Parenting is Full of Surprises – How You React Doesn’t Have to Be Parenting is full of surprises. From the day your child was born, parenting likely took unexpected twists and turns. Parents’ dreams and expectations for their children evolve over time as families create their own paths. When parents learn their child is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or gender-expansive (LGBTQ+), they may experience a wide variety of emotions. Confusion about their child’s sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression. Worry about how their child will be treated by others. Concern because they were taught being LGBTQ+ is wrong or even sinful. What Do You Do When Your Child Comes Out? Let them know you love them. For many LGBTQ+ youth, telling their parents is an act of bravery – the hardest part of coming out. Knowing parents love and accept them for who they are allows all kids – and LGBTQ+ youth in particular – to feel confident that they can negotiate the wider world.  Not surprisingly, research shows that LGBTQ+ adolescents who are supported by their families grow up to be happier and healthier adults. Simple sentiments such as, “I love you. I’m here for you. I’ll always have your back” can mean the world to LGBQT+ youth negotiating a scary and uncertain time. Talk and listen. Be intentional about taking time to talk through issues and listen to your child. You don’t need to be an expert on LGBTQ+ issues. Ask open and curious questions about your child’s interests, friends, and experiences. Oftentimes, kids and teens have difficulty opening up, so start small and be persistent. Staying connected makes it easier for your kids to approach you with bigger and more complex issues like sexuality, identity, discrimination, or even harassment and violence. Educate yourself. First, clear up any misconceptions you may have about what it means to be LGBTQ+ and learn about the LGBTQ+ community and the issues faced by LGBTQ+ individuals. Becoming educated helps you become more aware of issues that may arise and empowers you to advocate for your child when needed. Parents can access many organizations and online information resources to learn more about how they can support their LGBTQ+ teen, other family members, and their teen’s friends. And because LGBTQ+ teens are more at risk for bullying or violence, it’s important for parents to watch for behaviors that might indicate their teen experiencing any of these types of issues. If bullying, violence, or depression is suspected, parents should take immediate action, working with school personnel and other adults in the community. Visit our website for information on understanding transgender. Stay connected. Being supportive can be challenging when, as a parent, you may experiencing stress, surprise, or confusion. And teens, by nature, often do not reach out or disclose information. Resist any urges to pull away from each other during these times – your child is experiencing more difficulty with this than you are. And, if either or both of you are struggling, reach out for help. Find a counselor, doctor, family member or community organization to help support everyone through any challenges that may arise. Be proactive about relationships and social media. Positive environments are important to help all youth thrive and develop healthy relationships. However, LGBTQ+ youth face some unique challenges. Because they can be discouraged from being open about their sexual orientation and gender identity, some LGBTQ+ youth rely on social media and phone applications to meet others. While these can provide support and validation, the content can be inappropriate. And encourage your teen to develop safe and healthy relationships. While dating can be unnerving for any parent, encouraging your LGBTQ+ child to date in a way that is age-appropriate builds important life skills and sends the powerful message that LGBTQ+ relationships are normal and healthy. Become an ally. What better way to show your child your support than to become an LGBTQ+ ally? Advocate for a gay-straight alliance (GSA) at your child’s school, which have been shown to make schools safer and boost academic performance among LGBTQ+ students. Push for more inclusive sex education. And if issues arise, speak up again and again to the teacher, administrators, or employers, until the concern is resolved. You can also display a supportive image such as a rainbow or transgender flag or sticker. LGBTQ+ youth are quick to pick up on cues they see in their environment and such displays can make a difference in how they perceive their surroundings. Further Reading: https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm/ https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/programs/safe-supportive/index https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/articles-and-answers/ask-the-expert/tips-for-parents-lgbtq-youth https://socialworklicensemap.com/blog/how-to-be-an-ally-to-people-who-are-bisexual/ https://pflag.org/find-a-chapter

Photo of the words Boys and Girls on bright blue and pink backgrounds
Uncategorized

Understanding Differences between Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression

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Understanding Differences between Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression Today’s society is becoming increasingly sophisticated in how we view gender. Experts who work with youth and gender issues share the two most common myths: Gender is binary, offering only two options Gender and sex are the same things. The take-aways: your gender is not based on your anatomy. And people can be “gender fluid” rather than only male or female. Some important distinctions to understand: Biological Sex. This is a medical classification that refers to anatomical, physiological, genetic or physical attributes that determine if a person is assigned male, female or intersex identity at birth. Gender Identity. One’s innermost feeling of maleness, femaleness, a blend of both or neither. One’s gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth. Gender Expression. External appearance of one’s gender identity, usually expressed through behavior, clothing, haircut or voice, and which may or may not conform to socially defined behaviors and characteristics typically associated with being masculine or feminine. Sexual orientation. The gender of people you are sexually attracted to.

Photo of a surprised child covering his sister's eyes
Parenting Tips, Parents

What Parents Need To Know About Their Child Finding Adult Content Online

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My Child Found Pornography Online! What Can I do? Pornography is easier to find than you think. That’s a scary thought for parents. Exposure to pornography can be through their friends, unsupervised internet use at home or at friends’ homes, late night or cable TV, or older even their older siblings. Lines of pornography have blurred with the amount and nature of sexual imagery seen in today’s media. Your children may even feel pressured to produce sexualized images for friends, partners, or by social media. What do you need to know? Impact on children and teens Seeing pornography can be confusing and frightening for children. Children or adolescents may experience autonomic sexual arousal at the sight of pornography, which can confuse them into thinking they “like” what they see, when in fact their bodies are reacting instinctively without the “approval” of their brain. Children and adolescents can become “de-sensitized” to pornography exposure and this can result in acting out sexualized behaviors with other children and engaging in high-risk sexual experiences by adolescents. With heavy viewing, it can endanger kids’ ability to have a healthy relationship with their body and with sexual partners. What can parents do? Set limits. Parents can set limits for their children as they are learning to make responsible choices for themselves, including limiting exposure to harmful content, and have proactive discussions that help children make decisions about what they post through social media or webcams. Support kids in distinguishing between real and fantasy. Much of porn is completely divorced from reality – the actors’ appearance, attitudes, language, and behavior is nothing like real-world relationships. Parents can help their children develop a critical eye when viewing media, so they see the lies and differentiate that fiction from the joy in loving equitable and respectful relationships. Provide alternatives. Parents can provide information and support for children to grow up able to have loving and healthy relationships. Help them see that pornography doesn’t value people as individuals. And instead, parents can support their tweens and teens in making decisions about what they want from romantic relationships. How to talk to your kids Be intentional. Have a series of discussions on the topic. Like sexuality education in general, the topic of pornography is not one big talk but rather a series of discussions that easily can arise from the content of songs, music videos, video games, movies and unintended or intended exposure to sexually explicit images. Stay accepting and non-judgmental.Interest in sex and sexual imagery is completely normal, so approach the issue in a non-judgmental way. Offer to answer any question. Remaining accepting helps ensure kids are not ashamed of their curiosity and facilitates the development of healthy sexual identity. Tap into teachable moments. Parents and other caring adults need to be able to talk about the impact of hyper-sexualized media in general, and pornography specifically, with children/teens. They can help children develop their media literacy to analyze what they are seeing rather than simply consuming it without question. Discuss family strengths and values. Parents can share their family’s strengths and values, and help children clarify their own values to help guide behavior. For example, a parent might say, “Love is an important value in our family, and in relationships with others. Porn exploits people – it is the opposite of love.”

Photo of a father having a deep discussion with his son
Beech Acres, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents, the talk

Being Intentional About Having “The Talk”

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Being Intentional About “The Talk” Having “the talk” with your child can be a stressful mile marker on your parenting journey. These discussions can be as anxiety provoking for you as a parent as they are for your child. Don’t stress out! Be intentional about having this important conversation with your child while being mindful of their feelings on the subject. Phasing these topics into your regular conversations with your children and carefully planning out these discussions work really well for most parents. When Is The Right Time To Have “The Talk”?  As with most parenting milestones, the answer really is, there is no perfect time. It really is up to your child and up to you as a family to determine when the time is right. Parents can watch for clues and listen to the types of questions their kids are asking to determine when the time is right to start having these important conversations. It is helpful to begin these conversations as early as it makes sense for your family. It’s never too early to begin having these conversations with your child. Many parents begin discussions around gender differences and privacy as early as potty training or when their child begins recognizing their own body parts. Feel free to use your strength of social intelligence to consider other factors in their environment that may impact your need to have these discussions. For instance, what are other kids talking about, did something come up on a TV show or movie that prompted questions from your kids, do they interact with older children on the bus, in sports or in other social situations where they may need to understand things they may hear? These are all things that could impact the timing of the talk. If the topic doesn’t come up sooner, a good time to begin these conversations may be when schools begin education around body changes. This is a good time to start having your own discussions to clarify the information you are receiving and to answer their questions at home in a more comfortable environment.  Using the school’s discussions is a “door opener” for you to begin the talk. How To Start The Conversation  Many parents find it easy to start the conversation around changes in the body. Sudden growth, the appearance of body hair, the need for deodorant, or the need or desire to begin shaving are obvious physical cues that it’s time to have the talk. Your children may also begin exhibiting an interest in their appearance. All of these behaviors are natural and important opportunities to initiate the talk since speaking with your children about their bodies may help address, diffuse and comfort any anxiety and awkwardness they may be feeling about growing up. Remember though, these are important issues to discuss with your child on an ongoing basis. The focus of your discussions may change as they grow up, but it is important to keep these conversations going. Who Should Have The Talk?  Should mom have the talk with your daughter? Dad to son? Rock, paper, scissors? The best case scenario is that this is a team effort involving both parents presenting a united front. It is important to be very clear that you both are open and comfortable in having this conversation. Parents, this will likely take some pre-pep talking and self-management to make sure your kids are not “weirded out” by you and the topic.  This will go a long way in establishing trust so your kids feel comfortable approaching you with questions and concerns in the future.  Many of us want to create a space where your kids to come to you with these questions rather than turning to their friends, an older sibling, or the internet. If it’s just you, or if your child is much more comfortable speaking to just mom or dad, it’s okay to respect the one-on-one conversation, but important to make sure you are on the same page with what is being shared. They’re Going to Have Questions Aren’t They? Yep! Kids will lean into their strength of curiosity or love of learning. But, they may not ask them right away. That is what it is important to be open and non-judgmental. When they do have questions, let your kids take the lead. Your brain may go all the way to the end of this discussion (i.e. too far), but they may have important questions along the way that you need to answer intentionally. Your kids need you to respond clearly to the questions they have in a meaningful way. Double check with them to make sure they received the answer they were looking for. “The talk” really is about more than just about biology or the act of intimacy. It is really about healthy relationships and helping your child understand how to develop and maintain them in the future. The sooner you begin these conversations, the better. Children these days have so much access to information whether it be from their friends, the internet, or from anywhere that may not share your family’s values. Don’t worry though; with an intentional approach that is mindful of your child’s feelings, you’ll get through this and be on to the next parenting milestone!

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