Your strengths are a treasure. Keep them safe! You have all of these strengths inside you. Which ones do you think you show your friends & family most often? Let’s treasure those ones! Color & cut out your strengths and keep them safe in the treasure chest. Download this fun activity to keep track of your most important treasure, your unique character strengths!
To The Parents of the Class of 2020 Guest Blogger: Jill Huynh, VP, New Business Development and Parent Connext™ Beech Acres Parenting Center The final months of a high school senior year are supposed to be filled with spring sports, college acceptance celebrations, prom, graduation, party planning, making memories with friends, the final day of classes, and saying tearful farewells to favorite teachers. Over the past few months, almost all of these “supposed to be” items have been exchanged for virtual schooling, staying home with family, social distancing, and concern about the health of friends and loved ones. Instead of pomp and circumstance, the class of 2020 is getting stress and anxiety. This is as disappointing for parents as much as it is for their children. Many of us remember our senior year even though the details fade away as the years go by. High school was not a wonderful experience for some, but that time in our lives is almost always memorable. We want the final months of high school leading up to the achievement of graduation to be exhilarating, exciting and fun. Instead, students are focused on finishing up their senior year worrying about the global COVID-19 pandemic. They’ve been forced to trade in their caps and gowns for face masks and hand sanitizer. What would it be like if we, as parents, adjusted our own expectations about how the Class of 2020 should feel about today’s world and the cancellation of many anticipated events? Most teens live in the present moment and may move on from disappointments faster than we do. They may not feel the loss and sadness during this time as you do. They don’t have the context of experiencing these “rites of passage” events like you do. Instead, they are taking things day by day and working through them as they come. How moms, dads, and caregivers handle this time in their high school senior’s life matters in that stress and sadness are easily transmitted to kids, just like any other virus. The results of this transmission from parent/caregiver to their child can lead to them feeling what you feel or reacting as you react, rather than persevering and moving forward as they are equipped to do. As I searched for the one positive view of our current situation, I continued to land on resilience. Resilience has become a sort of a buzz word in society today which tends to take away from its power. When I think of resilience, it is a process of bouncing back and bouncing forward to rise above adversity. Research shows that lessons forcing individuals to build resilience enable them to better handle the next “bump in the road”. In the spirit of resilience, I turned to Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician who specializes in building resilience in youth. I have included Dr. Ginsburg’s 7 C’s of resilience below along with tips for you as you parent the Class of 2020 now and in the future. Confidence – Kids have a solid belief in their own abilities • Parent Tip – Instead of asking “what do you want to do with your life?”, ask them “who do you want to be?” Competence – Developed when kids are allowed opportunities to use their own judgment to make responsible choices. • Parent Tip – Avoid protecting kids from making mistakes. When they make them, help them figure out how to recover. Connection – Kids feel known, understood, adored and loved. • Parent Tip – Show kids that relationships matter. Show them love through affection, spending time together, and telling them you love them. Character – Comfort with sticking to values and demonstrating a caring attitude toward others. • Parent Tip – Help your kids clarify and express their own values. Start with family values they are familiar with and build from there. Contribution – Let your kid know that the world is a better place because they are in it. • Parent Tip – Model and teach generosity with your time, energy and resources. Coping – Help kids learn to cope with stress because life is full of it. • Parent Tip – Assist with understanding of a real crisis (like COVID19) vs. something that just feels this way in the moment (like an argument with a boyfriend/girlfriend). Control – Kids learn their decisions affect their lives and do what it takes to bounce back after challenges • Parent Tip – Recognize your kid’s small successes so they know they can succeed. In a time that should be a major celebration, we are all adjusting to a COVID19 world. Yes, this isn’t the Class of 2020 celebration you imagined in your wildest dreams, but it is an opportunity for you to step back, look at that wonderful young person in front of you who has accomplished all that you ever dreamed of, and celebrate that. As a parent, our job is to help our kids grow, develop, learn and succeed. The groundwork for the future is right now and this year’s celebrations can be centered on the Class of 2020’s RESILIENCE. Congratulations to the parents of the Class of 2020 – mission accomplished.
A Family Guide to Dealing With Loss and Grief Guest Blogger: Christy Honschopp LISW-S There is no right or wrong way to grieve but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process- these tips and information may be able to help. What Is Grief? Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away-often the pain of loss is overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of different and unexpected emotions from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health making it difficult to sleep-eat or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss- and the more significant the loss the more intense your grief will be. Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one which is often the most intense type of grief-but any loss can cause grief including: Divorce or a relationship break-up Loss of health Losing a job Loss of financial stabilization A miscarriage Retirement Death of a pet Loss of a cherished dream Loss of safety after a trauma Selling or losing the family home The Grieving Process Grieving is a highly individual experience- there is no right or wrong way to grieve. How to grieve depends on many factors. Depending on your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith and how significant the loss was will determine how you will mourn your loss. Inevitably the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried and there is no ”normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience its important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold naturally. How To Deal With The Grieving Process While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief and eventually find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. 1. Acknowledge your pain 2. Accept that grief can trigger many different unexpected emotions 3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you. 4. Seek out face to face support from people who care about you. 5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically. 6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression. The Stages of Grief Elizabeth Kubler Ross in 1969 introduced what became known as the stages of grief. She based her work on studies she conducted with patients facing terminal illnesses but many people have generalized the stages to other negative life changes and experiences/losses. The 5 stages of grief were outlined as follows: 1. Denial- This can’t be happening to me 2. Anger- Why is this happening to me- who is to blame? 3. Bargaining- Make this not happen and in return I will_____? 4. Depression- I am too sad to do anything 5. I’m at peace with what happened If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you will heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of the stages- and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of the stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in neat sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you are supposed to be in. Kubler Ross herself never intended these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. She made a point of saying before her work ended to say there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives. Use of Social Media to Grieve Memorial pages on Facebook and other social media sites have become popular ways to inform a wide audience of a loved one’s passing and to reach out for support. As well as allowing you to impart practical information such as funeral plans, these pages allow friends and loved ones to post their own tributes or condolences. Reading such messages can often provide comfort for those grieving the loss. It is important to be aware that posting sensitive content on social media has some inherent risks. There have been cases where well-intended people have posted opinions or comments that were insensitive and inappropriate and likewise, trolls have been known to post cruel and abusive messages on memorial pages. It is recommended that to gain protection a closed Facebook group be created for memorial purposes where people have to be invited to post comments on the site. Taking Care of Yourself When you are grieving it is more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through a difficult time. Face your Feelings Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either Plan ahead for grief triggers i.e. anniversaries, holidays, birthdays and other milestone dates. Look after your physical health What If Grief Lingers? As time passes following a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, its normal for feelings of sadness, numbness and anger to gradually ease. These and other difficult emotions become less intense as you begin to accept the loss and start to move forward with your life. However, if
Create a Calming Canteen and Feel the Benefits of Mindfulness Focusing on mindfulness can help your family find ways to calm their minds and bodies. Mindfulness can ease stress and reduce anxiety. Create a calming canteen with this fun download and feel the benefit of mindfulness. Materials and Directions: With your family, take a clean Plastic Bottle and squeeze a small amount of Glue into the bottle (1-2 squeezes, about the size of a quarter). Now add about 1 tablespoon of Glitter to the bottle. If you would like to add a pop of color, add 2-3 drops of Food Coloring. Fill your canteen with water. Now you are ready to Super Glue or hot glue the top on the bottle to ensure the lid stays on tight. Use Your Canteen: Shake your Calming Canteen for 20-30 seconds. Notice how cloudy it is and how you can no longer see through to the other side. This is how your mind looks when you are upset, overwhelmed or on emotional overdrive. When our mind feels like this we have a hard time focusing, making good decisions, and interacting with others. Take three deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. As you take these deep breaths notice the glitter starting to settle, along with your own mind. Notice how all the glitter has settled and the water is clear again. Do you feel calmer? Is your mind less cloudy? How might you use this activity at home? Download this activity.
Talking To Your Kids About Coronavirus Guest Blogger Kerry Brown, Parent Connext Parenting Specialist, Beech Acres Parenting Center Uncertain Times During these uncertain times, it might feel overwhelming to share information about COVID-19 with your children. As parents, we sometimes think we are protecting by not telling them about scary things; as if shielding them will protect them from the bad feelings or discomfort in this stressful time. In reality, our children pick up on far more than we give them credit for. This is why it is important to share information with them but in an age-appropriate manner. Clarify Facts for Your Kids Sharing facts about COVID-19 can be done in a non-threatening way and actually alleviate some misconceptions they may have created in their minds by not telling them. When children hear something they don’t understand, they tend to create a story that makes sense to them. For example, I worked with a 6-year-old patient in the hospital who had edema. When I assessed his understanding of why he was in the hospital, he thought he had a demon in his body. He had heard the word edema said by the medical staff and his parents, but he had no context for that word, so the word that he did have a context for was a demon. Sometimes a child’s interpretation can be far more terrifying than if we had just explained what was going on. Start The Conversation If you have not had a conversation with your child about coronavirus or COVID-19, start with asking what they have heard about why we are staying home, or if they’ve heard the words coronavirus or COVID-19. If so, ask what they know and if they are wondering about anything. If not, start by explaining that it is a disease or illness that can make people feel sick. Coronavirus is very contagious. Contagious means it can spread or be shared between people very easily when we cough or sneeze. For kids, the virus has mostly been mild or not really bad, but it can be harder for older people (like grandma or grandpa) or people who are already sick, so to help keep them healthy and safe, we are staying home to not share or spread germs. Explain What You CAN Do There are things we can do and ways we can help, and one is by washing our hands a lot and sneeze or cough into our elbows. It’s also important to keep things clean, like doorknobs, faucets, tables, and counters. You can help at home by helping clean and keep your hands clean. You can also help by making cards for family members we aren’t able to see, or writing notes with chalk on the sidewalk to neighbors. We can also write thank you notes for doctors, nurses, grocery store staff, or anyone who still has to go to work to help us stay safe and healthy. Ask your child what they might want to do to help people feel better. Here are some links for great resources on talking with your children: Resources https://beechacres.org/beech-roots/ https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/02/28/809580453/just-for-kids-a-comic-exploring-the-new-coronavirus https://www.facebook.com/tellnowhitelies/videos/234834407639510/UzpfSTEyMDM5ODYxMTc6MTAyMjI3NjE2OTEzMjk5MTY/
Keep Your Cool; Approach Discipline From a Teaching Perspective April is National Child Abuse Awareness Month. We know that reducing risk factors is the key to prevention. Isolation and financial concerns are two major factors that are increasing anxiety and stress during the COVID-19 pandemic and associated stay-at-home orders. Job loss, illness, grief, and uncertainty are exacerbating the stress we are all feeling. Many of us are not parenting at their best under this heightened pressure. According to a survey of over 500 adults featured in USA Today, 1 in 6 parents have reported spanking or slapping their children during this crisis. How do parents balance stress, patience, and effective discipline during a pandemic? Approach Disciple From a Teaching Perspective First, understand that discipline should be rooted in teaching. Teaching in the moment is intentional and can allow a parent to guide their child’s behavior toward more self-control. Think about the outcome you want from the interaction with your child. A teaching approach empowers children to have alternate options when situations occur and allows them to apply critical thinking. Choose Your Battles Remember that your children are under the same increased stress. These circumstances are just as difficult for them as they are for you. Power struggles are normal and probably are increasing the longer you stay home. Choose your battles. Give your child choices and consequences associated with those choices. It eliminates the power struggle. Maintain a Routine As parenting specialist Connie Harrison wrote last week, sticking to a routine is important because a routine or schedule is a pattern the brain recognizes and appreciates. Try and stick to your structure because children need a routine. School time, naps, snacks, chores, access to technology, etc. should be on a schedule throughout the day. Children will know what to expect and it can ease their anxiety. Remember though you may need to be a little flexible when needed though to maintain peace. Take a Breath If you feel yourself, losing control, take a deep breath and walk away. Tell your child you need a moment, go into another room. Return when you are calm. This is also can work as a way to model self-calming behavior when children are losing control. Model what you want to see in your children. They need to see their parents adapting to this “temporary normal” and coping in healthy ways. These “moments” can become a part of your tool-kit that you are using to manage stress. If you need some structure, here is a quick exercise to help you breathe out your stress. “Knowledge is our strongest weapon” in combating the pervasive issue of child abuse, according to the National Children’s Alliance. Reach out for help and know that there are other parents struggling with what to do at the moment when yelling seems easier. Check-in on other parents too. It’s good to stay connected with one another. Together we are stronger. If you suspect that others aren’t coping well and a child may be at risk, call your local child protective agency. In most cases, your report will be anonymous, and you may save a child as well as help a parent get back on the right track.
Why Should You Find Your Family’s Purpose, Values, Vision, and Goals? Happy and successful families are created with intention. They just don’t happen. Families that are successful require time, patience, and planning. Setting goals allow your family to discuss with each other what your dreams are and help to identify family values. Value is defined as the quality or worth of a thing. Family values are often reinforced by our spiritual or religious beliefs and ideas passed down from generation to generation. Involving family members in decisions gives everyone a voice and allows for an opportunity to work through, clarify and resolve issues. Family goal setting benefits children by allowing them to achieve success by seeing their goal from beginning to end; provides individual focus, direction, and purpose; helps them to feel important and listened to, and your children will use the values they learn to develop an inner compass. Benefits to parents who goal set include less pleading and punishing and more cooperation with their children; removes them from an ‘us against them’ role and places them in the ‘all of us together’ role, and provides a greater awareness of what is going on in their children’s lives. Powerful Questions for Helping Families Identify Their Purpose, Values, Vision What is Our Family Purpose? Toward what end does our family exist? What does our family do for its members? What do its members do for the family? What contribution does our family make in the world? What are Our Family Values? What are my top five family values? What are my spouse’s top five family values? What are our family’s top five family values? What are the values I hope my children will carry with them into the future? What is Our Family Vision? What does our family’s success look like in 10…20 years? What kind of adult do I want my child to be? What kind of parent do I want my child to be? How do I want my children to remember me? What is my vision for myself as a parent? What is my vision for my relationship with my children? What is my vision for the example I’d like to set for my children? What experiences would I like to provide for my children? What are the skills and abilities I hope my children will have? How do I hope my children will approach life and relationships? Download today’s activity.
What are your family’s Top 5 Strengths? What are your family’s top 5 strengths? How can you mindfully build on them each day? Wisdom Creativity Curiosity Judgment Love of Learning Perspective Courage Bravery Perseverance Honesty Zest Humanity Love Friendship Kindness Justice Teamwork Fairness Leadership Temperance Forgiveness Humility Prudence Self-Control Transcendence Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence Gratitude Hope Humor Sense of Meaning
Why Maintaining A Stay At Home Routine Is Important Keep your family on track by staying organized during the quarantine. Guest Blogger Connie Harrison, Parenting Specialist Beech Acres Parenting Center We have all been reading online and watching tv for information about how to cope with the new reality of staying at home. Much of this information includes the idea that we should have a schedule at home for both parents and children, but no one has said why we should do this. For some of us, the “why” is very important. There are several reasons why structure helps us all. The first reason we humans like some structure is that the brain is a pattern-seeking organ. A routine or schedule is a pattern the brain recognizes and appreciates. One pattern the brain controls is our sleep/wake cycle, and how it is influenced by light. Think of how we struggled to make the change to Daylight Saving Time. That is an example of a routine or pattern that our brains recognize, and need time to change. Setting up a schedule or routine at home allows the brain to move to a new pattern. For children, one of the important reasons to have a schedule is that it makes the day more predictable. The ability to predict what comes next helps us to ease anxiety. Right now our news is full of information about what is still unpredictable about the virus and the response of society to it. We have the ability to insert some predictability and a measure of control over our immediate environment at home. That feeling of control helps adults as well as children to function effectively while the outside world is not in our control at all. Children are most impacted by what is going on inside of our families, so a family schedule is very important for them. You can add to that sense of security by getting some input from them on the schedule. Adults set up the basic structure of what time the workday begins and ends, when meals are planned, and how parental responsibilities shape the day. Within that external framework, children can help decide if they want reading or math first, or if they want longer breaks or a shorter overall day. Be sure to include some breaks, and snacks as age-appropriate. Here are some things to consider in planning your family schedule: Have a way to signal when the workday begins. It could be changing into work clothes, when the tv is turned off, or after the breakfast dishes are done. Include a time to tidy up the work area. You may need to do it before lunch and at the end of the day depending on the activities and ages of the children. For most people, a less cluttered space is less stressful. You probably have more things in the environment while everyone is home. Consider care and storage, and how you can control your environment with organization. Keep children to an age-appropriate sleep and wake time and make it part of the routine. Teens are more nocturnal, so if you can tolerate midnight lights out and 10 AM wake up, try it out. Plan some non-screen time. Include reading or crafts, board games or napping, whatever is right in your family. Many of us need to alternate quiet sitting periods with periods of activity, adults as well as children. Consider this while planning. Finally, when you set up a schedule, commit to trying it for 3 or 4 days. Come back together as a family to re-evaluate how the plan works for everyone. Changes may be necessary to get to the peaceful and productive family you want to be. Planning, organizing, and maintaining a routine can help your family maintain order and keep peace in your house during this uncertain time. Need help planning your day? Download our COVID-19 Action Plan.
A Busy Mom Trades Travel For Working From Home An interview with Katie Doviak, Senior Account Executive at TargetX Is working from home new to you or are you a work from home veteran? How are you adjusting to the new normal? Throughout my 14 year career, my job has required me to travel out of state on average 2-3 days a week. While the recent mandate to work from home has been a big adjustment for the majority of the workforce, working from home is not new to me, as I work from my home on the days I am not on traveling. With that said, the restrictions on my ability to travel have had a significant impact on my work environment as I am typically on-site every week. With limitations on travel, my colleagues and I have had to restructure our traditional in-person meetings and conduct more of our interactions with clients in a virtual environment. While working for a technology-based company has made the shift to a completely virtual environment seamless for our whole company, it has been an adjustment for some of our clients as they have come to expect on-site interactions. What is your general routine? When I am home, my routine starts with getting my two kids ready for school and then heading to my home office. My day is filled with internal and external phone calls, web meetings, and planning for my next on-site visit. While I have hectic days, I have the ability to control my schedule, which allows me to focus on getting work done and not about how many hours I’m working. With this approach, I find time to work out in the middle of the day, run an errand, or even volunteer from time to time at the kid’s school. While there are freedoms to controlling your schedule, there are many late nights and long days responding to client requests. With the recent quarantine, my at-home schedule has changed significantly, because not only am I quarantined at my home but I have to balance my schedule with my husband’s work schedule as well as ensuring my kids stay up to date on their school work. How do you ensure you do not get distracted by things to do around the house? I try my best to maintain a regular routine which helps minimize the distractions that could impact my work. For me, I get distracted by the clutter in my home. It is important to make sure that my house is in order, I schedule time in my day to make sure dishes are done, laundry is folded and toys are picked up. If I start my day with an organized mindset, allow for time to keep the clutter at bay, I find that I am less distracted and able to focus more on work. What is your set up like? (Technology etc) I have a laptop and cell phone so I am able to travel easily and work on the road in airports, hotels, cars, coffee shops, literally anywhere. At home, that same flexibility has been helpful to be able to travel from my office, upstairs, the basement or even outside when there is too much background noise. How is having your 2 daughters at home impacted your routine? Let’s just say, my routine has changed slightly. To give you a glimpse of my day, today I reviewed a Request For Proposal with a coworker on a web meeting, while simultaneously giving my 7-year-old spelling words. When I said the word “what” my coworker repeated himself. I laughed and said, “sorry that wasn’t a question to you”. I wasn’t muted when giving that spelling word. Jokes aside, my routine has changed. Instead of prepping for the next call, I prep the girls to make sure they know what they are working on for the next 30-60 mins. It also has required some prep work each night to make a list of items for them to work on the next day. I have seen a lot of people set a schedule for their kids down to the hour. While this is great it won’t work for our house like every day my schedule of calls changes. We have found the list of activities gives guidance but we complete what we can when we can. What does remote learning look like for them? The biggest thing with a 6 and 7-year-old at home is making sure that they have something to do that keeps their attention, and with two working parents also don’t require a lot of guidance. Last week my kids were on Spring Break so it was a bit of a free for all which we quickly learned was not going to work. This week the school has sent projects and a rough schedule with about 2 hours of work each day. The challenge for us and many other working parents is that the workday is longer than the school day. We have had some help so far this week as grandparents have Facetime the girls to help them practice their reading when both my husband and I have had work calls. My daughter’s kindergarten teacher has recorded herself reading books that can be watched anytime. Of course, there are also online videos like the ones the Cincinnati Zoo is producing that make me so glad we renewed our membership this year and support such a great organization! What tips do you have for people that are working from home with kids? Remember so many people are in the same boat and will understand if you are on a phone call and they hear your kids in the background. Also, if possible don’t try and cram everything from your normal workday into 8-5. If there are things you can do in the evenings once the kids go to bed that will make the next day less stressful do it. There are a lot of things in everyone’s workday that don’t really
