Author name: Parent Coach

Summer is here! Summer officially begins today, but don’t worry, The Character Effect™ is here for you all summer long with fun, strength-based activities and mindful moments! Download our June activities today and check back for more fun all summer long!

Juneteenth, A Celebration of Freedom Today we celebrate Juneteenth with some reflections on the day shared by our employees. Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, the day that a group of Union soldiers led by Major General Gordon Granger arrived in Galveston, Texas with the news that the Civil War had ended and along with it anyone enslaved was now free. Amazingly, the news of freedom came nearly two and half years after President Abraham Lincoln abolished slavery with the Emancipation Proclamation. News of freedom was met with shock and joy. The term Juneteenth was coined to celebrate this occasion and as a way to remember and celebrate this occasion.  This year we reflect upon Juneteenth together as a nation, as our country continues to struggle with racism highlighted by years of unfair and unjust treatment of Black women and men in our country. Civil unrest in the wake of the murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd demonstrates that while freedom may have been declared on June 19, 1865, we still have much work to do towards equality.  Parents, you can introduce and celebrate Juneteenth with your children using these books curated by the Cincinnati Public Library.  You can also check out this reading of Juneteenth for Maize by Floyd Cooper. Juneteenth Reflections By Employees of Beech Acres Parenting Center “My sweet Juneteenth! The day that I get to celebrate my people! My gorgeous people! Getting together with family to celebrate the undeniable resilience that it has taken to get where we are today while bringing awareness to where we still must go.  Every year I take off and make sure I wear red to show resilience and my pride in my history. Teaching my daughter at a young age the importance of learning her history at home because she won’t learn about the beauty of the day in school. My sweet Juneteenth. With everything going on it makes me so proud to see people preparing to celebrate this sweet day. To heal broken hearts with smiles and laughter, love and support amid the world’s largest civil protest. I love my sweet Juneteenth that my ancestors died for, we have worked hard, and the work is not over. My sweet Juneteenth is just what is needed right now, and I am more excited to celebrate and educate this year than I ever have been. My sweet Juneteenth.” – Ashley Gray, Recruiter, Child Welfare ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Juneteenth Mindful Moment: A Good Place This is a mindful moment celebrating freedom, inexplicable joy, opportunity, and new strength.  Please join me in imaginative contemplation to find a good place. Find your personal space, spread out so you don’t feel crowded or uncomfortable. Take a moment and listen to your breathing. Is it even & regulated? Fast or shallow? Take some time to take a few deep breaths in, holding them a few seconds before expelling them out fully, as you bring your mind to a stillness. Now imagine a good place, whatever is good to you. What do you see? Is it a special location, a comfy space in your home, or state of mind? Are you alone or are there loved ones past or present with you? Are you wearing anything special? What do you notice in this good place? How are you feeling? Safe? Happy? At peace? Enthusiastic? Are you doing anything specifically? Is this good place quiet or busy? As you take another deep breath in, soak in the joy, love & peace of this moment. As you blow out release any anxiety, fear or body tension that threatens this place. Recognize you can overcome struggle or strain when you create a good place within your heart and mind. When in a tough season or situation, the good place still exists. In learning to cultivate this place of perspective, healing and restoration, there is open access to this good place. Take another deep breath in and blow off any distractions. Smile, and maybe even begin to dance, because this day is yours to create a good place. Today is a good day to have a good day! Wiggle your fingers and toes, and fix your eyes on an intention as you celebrate what Juneteenth symbolizes today! Thank you! Begin Juneteenth with a Mindful Minute of Reflection with Jill. –Jill Gaines, Family Specialist, Kinship Connections ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ When the email came across my desk asking for individuals in the company to share their memories of Juneteenth, I had to pause for a moment and think hard. Juneteenth was not a day that was celebrated in my home. As a matter of fact, I don’t even remember it being taught as part of the history lesson in school. It was briefly scanned over as a day slaves were set free called The Emancipation Proclamation. Growing up on the east coast, I don’t remember Juneteenth being a big celebration at all. It was not a place on the calendar as a major holiday like July 4th, Independence Day. The in-depth history lessons I learned about the African American culture and people came after I obtained my bachelor’s degree and through my graduate school studies. I’ve asked a few people about their participation in the Juneteenth Celebrations and many know about the day and have heard of the day but have not participated in the celebration. My perspective is though “Colored people, Negros, Blacks, African Americans” (the many names we have identified with trying to find identity on this soil) were emancipated, however, there still was and is a cost for freedom. Emancipation for African Americans is still costing many their lives. –Lindoria B. Felder, The Character Effect Specialist, New Business Development ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Juneteenth. What a glorious day for Black people to pause, reflect and celebrate the powerful meaning and memories of what this day means! For me, I recall the painful memories of my loved ones and ancestors who suffered a lifetime of pain, mistreatment and death, all because of the color of their skin. I think about all of the movies that I have

Tech Safety Company, BARK, says they’re escalating 23% more complaints of online predation to law enforcement since the COVID-19 quarantine began. You would never allow a stranger in your child’s bedroom, yet by allowing a device in his/her bedroom, this is happening.  Screen time is likely up significantly in your home since the COVID-19 pandemic began. Stay-at-home orders, a shift to working from home, and remote learning certainly had everyone in your house spending more time than ever on their devices. Now that school is out and the pandemic lingers, it is likely that your kids are still spending much more time on their screen than you would like. Until quarantine breaks and we can return to more normal life that includes seeing actual people and interacting with them in real life, it may be a good idea to revisit your family’s rules on screen time and revisit online safety with your kids.  Be Intentional, and Realistic, About Screen Time The internet has become an important part of everyday life in the modern world. Your kids have likely grown up with technology; almost everyone has a smartphone, iPad, laptop, or other digital device to access the internet. We communicate with each other via text, share our photos via social media, and post-COVID 19, we work and learn online at home. Screens are everywhere. How many screens are in use in your house?  It is important to establish reasonable guidelines around the use of technology in your home that aligns with your family’s values and the usage needs of each person in your house. Create accountability for yourself and your kids by creating a “Screen Time Use Contract”. Your contract can include expectations for use, number of hours a device can be used, appropriate times of days they can use their device, and consequences if they are irresponsible or do not follow the guidelines you agree upon. Involve your child in creating these rules and be sure to explain the reasons behind each decision. For example, putting your phones down for dinner or scheduled family time emphasized the importance of being present in the moment.  Establishing fair, reasonable expectations around screen use together can help you avoid headaches in the future.  Safety First The health and safety of your child is every parent’s top priority. We teach our children to look both ways when crossing the street, to avoid strangers at the park, and to generally be aware of their surrounding when they are out and about. Many of these parental instincts were probably inherited by how your parents raised you. What discussions did you have with your daughter or son when you gave them their first computer, tablet or smartphone? Probably not much more than “don’t drop it”. You may have enabled parental controls if you were aware of them, but after that how often do you discuss online safety with your child?  Those parental controls are a good place to start. Apple, Google, and Microsoft all offer built-in parental controls that can put age limits and restrictions on content, monitor usage, and limit access to data and Wi-Fi. While those things can offer piece of mind, they cannot protect your child from everything they may encounter online and should not replace regular conversations with your children about online safety.  Engaging in regular, ongoing communication with your child about online safety and the types of media they are exposed to is critically important. Maintain open communication and let them know they can come to you if they see something they know they shouldn’t have, make a mistake online, post something they regret, or accidentally download something. These conversations can lead to better outcomes. Keep in mind, it is more than likely your child will eventually be exposed to something they did not intend to see or will make an online mistake. Be OK with it and have those important conversations with them in the moment. Don’t wait for a mistake, however. Ask your child who they are talking to online, what games they are playing, and what apps they are downloading.  The Dark Side of Internet  Unfortunately, the internet is not all fun Pinterest recipes, compelling blogs, and funny cat pictures. Your children could be exposed to bullying, pornography, peer pressure, online predators, disturbing images, or scary news. It is important to talk to your child about all of these possibilities.  Ask your child questions, like “what would you do if someone you don’t know contacts you online?” or “what is a classmate says something mean or intimidating to you online?” Similar to teaching them to be cautious about strangers in the real world or to address physical bullying, this gives you insight to how your child might respond. Help them feel comfortable in discussing the scenarios with you and develop a plan to respond to them. While only 9% of kids get unwanted sexual solicitation online and only 4% of predators try to make offline contact, but it’s still important to help children understand the reasons for privacy settings, screen limits and precautions are for their safety.  Your child may also be pressured to do something online they may not be comfortable. Like downloading an app intended for older children, engage in online communities you may not approve of, or share pictures, comments, or other data without considering the consequences of doing so. Tell your child they can always use you as an out or excuse as to why they can’t communicate or engage in unsafe behaviors online. “My mom would kill me if I sent you that picture and she checks my phone,” or “My phone won’t allow me to do that, my parents monitor my online activity, so we both would get into trouble.” It’s better to be the “lame” mom or dad rather than your child suffer a lifetime of embarrassment over an inappropriate comment, post, or photo.  Don’t forget to consider what media and news your child is exposed to online. Just like what they see on television, their

Guest Blogger Katie Garry “Your proximity to Blackness isn’t a magical shield. It’s a responsibility to those who have allowed you to share that space with them.” – Kim Kelly  My oldest child, a fresh five-year-old little girl, recently asked me unprompted, “why do people who are white and look like you sometimes laugh at people who are black or golden like me, [her sister] and Daddy, just because of the color of our skin?”  (“Golden” is what my husband has coined the color of the girls’ skin since it’s different than his black and my white skin.) Concerned and alarmed that she’s already experienced racism at her young age, I asked her if that has ever happened to her.  Thankfully, she said no.  Then I asked her what she would say to someone if it did.  Her reply was immediate and matter-of-fact.  “I would tell them that that’s not nice and that we’re all unique in our own special ways and just because my skin is different it doesn’t make me not special.”  As a mother, I couldn’t have been prouder. And at the same time, I was broken.  ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ When I fell in love with my husband Ryan, and when we chose to commit our lives to one another, I thought I knew what I was getting into.  We met in college, and had dated for many (many, many) years and shared in some of the typical experiences of awkwardly meeting each other’s families, of love and loss, of dating at a distance and living together before marriage. We also experienced being profiled or stared down or having comments said about or to us. I experienced what it was like to be pulled over for DWB (driving while black) and witnessed firsthand the gross verbal mistreatment and degradation my then-boyfriend received. I’ve been the only white person in a room and suddenly realized what it must feel like to be black living in a white world. (This is a humbling experience I think everyone should have.)  I knew navigating the world as an interracial couple would have its own set of challenges. I knew that my kids would have experiences that I couldn’t relate to because I would not share in their blackness. I knew some people wouldn’t like the idea of our family. And that they’d be sure to let us know it.  I also knew that I would never stop protecting my family. I knew I would always support them and help them in their growth and their goals.  I thought our future children would be beautiful — perfect blends of the best parts of both of us.  They absolutely are. They are also living in a world where the way they see themselves may not be the way other people see them. That someone may see only the kink of their curls and the tone of their skin and decide that they are lesser than. People may not see ALL of them.  The same way black people have not been seen for their whole selves for so long.  What I didn’t know is how much I would need to grow. How much I would need to learn. How much I would have to challenge the environment in which I was raised. The permeating ideals and naïveté that I held for so long. I now recognize as ignorance. What I didn’t realize was that one day my children could be seen as “too white” or “too black” or “not white enough” or “not black enough.” A point I’ve recently introduced white family members to help illustrate the dangers of their “not seeing color.”  I didn’t realize how early the girls would notice the differences between their mother and their father and start asking questions. I didn’t realize I’d be reinforcing the beauty of my biracial daughter’s curls at the age of three, when she felt different because most other kids in her preschool class had straight hair or intricate braids. I didn’t realize all the work it would be to find books featuring and starring characters who looked like my kids.   I thought our love would be enough. Our love for one another. Our love for our family.  But guess what? It’s not.  Love is part of it, sure. But it’s a responsibility more than anything. In both your relationships and in parenting.  I am responsible for the thoughts I think, the ideals I hold, the words I say. I am responsible for the media I consume, the messages I hear and the ones I share. I am responsible for the jokes I let slide, the phrases I don’t correct and the micro-aggressions I don’t stand up to. I am responsible for my actions, for my beliefs and for my education.  I am responsible because they are watching. They are absorbing. They are listening. They are learning.  Regardless of if the black person you love is a partner, a friend, a co-worker, a family member, your child or your neighbor, I am responsible. And so are you.  Katie Garry lives in Glendale, Ohio, a northern suburb of Cincinnati. She is married to her college sweetheart. Katie is the white mother of two biracial daughters and is expecting her family’s third child. Katie works as a writer and creative consultant at her company KG Creative. 

To The Parents of the Class of 2020 Guest Blogger: Jill Huynh, VP, New Business Development and Parent Connext™ Beech Acres Parenting Center The final months of a high school senior year are supposed to be filled with spring sports, college acceptance celebrations, prom, graduation, party planning, making memories with friends, the final day of classes, and saying tearful farewells to favorite teachers. Over the past few months, almost all of these “supposed to be” items have been exchanged for virtual schooling, staying home with family, social distancing, and concern about the health of friends and loved ones. Instead of pomp and circumstance, the class of 2020 is getting stress and anxiety. This is as disappointing for parents as much as it is for their children. Many of us remember our senior year even though the details fade away as the years go by. High school was not a wonderful experience for some, but that time in our lives is almost always memorable. We want the final months of high school leading up to the achievement of graduation to be exhilarating, exciting and fun. Instead, students are focused on finishing up their senior year worrying about the global  COVID-19 pandemic. They’ve been forced to trade in their caps and gowns for face masks and hand sanitizer. What would it be like if we, as parents, adjusted our own expectations about how the Class of 2020 should feel about today’s world and the cancellation of many anticipated events? Most teens live in the present moment and may move on from disappointments faster than we do. They may not feel the loss and sadness during this time as you do. They don’t have the context of experiencing these “rites of passage” events like you do.  Instead, they are taking things day by day and working through them as they come. How moms, dads, and caregivers handle this time in their high school senior’s life matters in that stress and sadness are easily transmitted to kids, just like any other virus. The results of this transmission from parent/caregiver to their child can lead to them feeling what you feel or reacting as you react, rather than persevering and moving forward as they are equipped to do. As I searched for the one positive view of our current situation, I continued to land on resilience.  Resilience has become a sort of a buzz word in society today which tends to take away from its power.  When I think of resilience, it is a process of bouncing back and bouncing forward to rise above adversity.  Research shows that lessons forcing individuals to build resilience enable them to better handle the next “bump in the road”.  In the spirit of resilience, I turned to Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a pediatrician who specializes in building resilience in youth.  I have included Dr. Ginsburg’s 7 C’s of resilience below along with tips for you as you parent the Class of 2020 now and in the future. Confidence – Kids have a solid belief in their own abilities • Parent Tip – Instead of asking “what do you want to do with your life?”, ask them “who do you want to be?” Competence – Developed when kids are allowed opportunities to use their own judgment to make responsible choices. • Parent Tip – Avoid protecting kids from making mistakes. When they make them, help them figure out how to recover. Connection – Kids feel known, understood, adored and loved. • Parent Tip – Show kids that relationships matter. Show them love through affection, spending time together, and telling them you love them. Character – Comfort with sticking to values and demonstrating a caring attitude toward others. • Parent Tip – Help your kids clarify and express their own values. Start with family values they are familiar with and build from there. Contribution – Let your kid know that the world is a better place because they are in it. • Parent Tip – Model and teach generosity with your time, energy and resources. Coping – Help kids learn to cope with stress because life is full of it. • Parent Tip – Assist with understanding of a real crisis (like COVID19) vs. something that just feels this way in the moment       (like an argument with a boyfriend/girlfriend). Control – Kids learn their decisions affect their lives and do what it takes to bounce back after challenges • Parent Tip – Recognize your kid’s small successes so they know they can succeed. In a time that should be a major celebration, we are all adjusting to a COVID19 world. Yes, this isn’t the Class of 2020 celebration you imagined in your wildest dreams, but it is an opportunity for you to step back, look at that wonderful young person in front of you who has accomplished all that you ever dreamed of, and celebrate that. As a parent, our job is to help our kids grow, develop, learn and succeed. The groundwork for the future is right now and this year’s celebrations can be centered on the Class of 2020’s RESILIENCE. Congratulations to the parents of the Class of 2020 – mission accomplished.