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Parenting Tips

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Parent Connext™, Parenting Tips

Tip of the Iceberg; What Big Emotions Lie Beneath the Surface of your Child’s Behavior

What you see in behavior from your child is just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath are big emotions that can be hard to wrestle with for a child. Natural Strength Parenting™ can empower you to help your child understand what may be causing big outbursts by helping them identify what may be happening inside or ‘under the water’. Intentional parenting, as part of the Natural Strength Parenting™ approach, means being proactive instead of reactive in your parenting. When your child present emotions, it’s easy to react to what you see and hear. But that may not tell the entire story. Why is your child acting sad? Or worried? Or angry? There’s something causing their surface emotions. Rather simply react to their emotions, try and figure out what’s causing them.  Start by asking powerful questions. Instead of the ‘typical questions’ that will get standard one-word responses; “What’s wrong?” or “how was your day?”, ask your children more specific questions about their emotions. If they have recently heard or seen unsettling news, ask them what they think about the situation. Spending time actively listening to their answers to powerful questions can provide deeper insight into how your child is feeling. Sometimes your child may “flip their lid” and may not be able to answer you in a calm, logical manner. If they’ve already flipped their lid, remember what emotions may be lurking under the surface of the iceberg and respond with empathy.  Once you understand what is causing your child’s expressed behaviors you can work with them to find ways to manage their emotions. Lean into their strengths (link to What Strengths Will You Use Today?) to help them positively approach their emotions. For example, if they are expressing anger towards a friend or peer, lean into their strength of perspective to help them understand the other person’s point of view. This can help them manage their anger and work toward a resolution.  You can also introduce mindfulness to help your child cope. If they are acting withdrawn or shutdown because they are overwhelmed or anxious about their schoolwork, you can have them practice a mindful activity to help them redirect their anxiety. The S.T.O.P. activity can help your child stop, take a breath, observe their situation, and proceed with a calm, clear mind. Link to Characters video for younger kids, PDF for older. Understanding what is really causing the emotions your child is expressing by being fully present in the moment with you can help lead to and healing. Share this with your child in a calm moment to spark a conversation and inspire understanding. 

Graphic of a chalkboard with "RACISM" written in white getting erased by a pink eraser
Parenting Tips, Uncategorized

A Parent’s Guide to Having Critically Important Conversations About Diversity, Racism, and Equality with Your Children An Introduction

A Parent’s Guide to Having Critically Important Conversations About Diversity, Racism, and Equality with Your Children An Introduction An Introduction By Guest Blogger Cheryl Riley, Team Lead and Senior Therapist, Beech Acres Parenting Center Talking about race is usually difficult and uncomfortable for most people. Talking about race right now, in light of the senseless and tragic deaths of unarmed and defenseless African American men and women simply because they were Black- that’s likely terrifying for a lot of parents. Yet, it is absolutely necessary and urgent that you talk to your children about racism and how to be an antiracist. We are the original teachers and role models of our children. They naturally look up to us and want to be like us. That’s why it’s so important for parents to model the right behaviors and attitudes at home. What you do and say when no one is around, is actually more important than when there is an audience. Parents should start with the very fundamental concept of valuing all human life, regardless of the person’s race or ethnicity, and explain the importance of expressing human dignity, respect, and compassion for each other. From there, make the discussion personal and relatable, by delving into conversations about their friends or perhaps relatives who are people of color. When children can connect racism and how it negatively impacts people of color to someone they know and care about, that takes the conversation to a new level and it’s more impactful. America has a very long and complex history with racism and Black people. It is often said and true, that we must know our past before we can move forward into our future. Author Ibram X. Kendi has several books that do an excellent job of explaining all of this. “Stamped from the Beginning” details the extensive and lingering history of America’s relationship with Black people. Kendi explains that “racist ideas did not arise from ignorance or hatred. They were created to justify and rationalize deeply entrenched discriminatory policies and the nation’s racial inequities.” His book provides the tools and resources to uncover implicit biases and inherent racism. He also just put out a book for much younger children (0-3 y.o.) called, “Antiracist Baby.” Being an ally in the battle to dismantle and eradicate racism, means you have to be willing to do the difficult work of self-reflection and internal examination of your own beliefs about race. It’s not good enough to be “nice to Black people” or “have a Black friend.” Being anti-racist means you do not tolerate racism in any form, whether it’s covert or overt. Kendi has a book for this as well, “How to be an Antiracist.” The Amazon review states, “This is an essential work for anyone who wants to go beyond the awareness of racism to the next step: contributing to the formation of a just and equitable society.” There is no certain age when it’s appropriate to discuss race issues with your children. Parents need to gauge their kids’ maturity and ability to grasp the concept. However, don’t wait until something happens. Get ahead of it and be proactive. Integrate this kind of brave discussion into your everyday lives. The more you talk about race, the more comfortable you and your children will become with the topic, and the more knowledgeable you become, the better allies you will be. We’ll be sharing resources for both Caucasian and African American parents to have these important conversations with their children. Let’s make a difference. Together.

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COVID-19, Grief, Parenting Tips, Uncategorized

A Family Guide to Dealing With Loss and Grief

A Family Guide to Dealing With Loss and Grief Guest Blogger: Christy Honschopp LISW-S There is no right or wrong way to grieve but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process- these tips and information may be able to help. What Is Grief? Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away-often the pain of loss is overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of different and unexpected emotions from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health making it difficult to sleep-eat or even think straight. These are normal reactions to loss- and the more significant the loss the more intense your grief will be. Coping with the loss of someone or something you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a loved one which is often the most intense type of grief-but any loss can cause grief including: Divorce or a relationship break-up Loss of health Losing a job Loss of financial stabilization A miscarriage Retirement Death of a pet Loss of a cherished dream Loss of safety after a trauma Selling or losing the family home The Grieving Process Grieving is a highly individual experience- there is no right or wrong way to grieve. How to grieve depends on many factors. Depending on your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith and how significant the loss was will determine how you will mourn your loss. Inevitably the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried and there is no ”normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience its important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to unfold naturally. How To Deal With The Grieving Process While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life there are ways to help cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief and eventually find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life. 1. Acknowledge your pain 2. Accept that grief can trigger many different unexpected emotions 3. Understand that your grieving process will be unique to you. 4. Seek out face to face support from people who care about you. 5. Support yourself emotionally by taking care of yourself physically. 6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression. The Stages of Grief Elizabeth Kubler Ross in 1969 introduced what became known as the stages of grief. She based her work on studies she conducted with patients facing terminal illnesses but many people have generalized the stages to other negative life changes and experiences/losses. The 5 stages of grief were outlined as follows: 1. Denial- This can’t be happening to me 2. Anger- Why is this happening to me- who is to blame? 3. Bargaining- Make this not happen and in return I will_____? 4. Depression- I am too sad to do anything 5. I’m at peace with what happened If you are experiencing any of these emotions following a loss it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you will heal in time. However, not everyone who grieves goes through all of the stages- and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, you do not have to go through each stage in order to heal. In fact, some people resolve their grief without going through any of the stages. And if you do go through these stages of grief, you probably won’t experience them in neat sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you are supposed to be in. Kubler Ross herself never intended these stages to be a rigid framework that applies to everyone who mourns. She made a point of saying before her work ended to say there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives. Use of Social Media to Grieve Memorial pages on Facebook and other social media sites have become popular ways to inform a wide audience of a loved one’s passing and to reach out for support. As well as allowing you to impart practical information such as funeral plans, these pages allow friends and loved ones to post their own tributes or condolences. Reading such messages can often provide comfort for those grieving the loss. It is important to be aware that posting sensitive content on social media has some inherent risks. There have been cases where well-intended people have posted opinions or comments that were insensitive and inappropriate and likewise, trolls have been known to post cruel and abusive messages on memorial pages. It is recommended that to gain protection a closed Facebook group be created for memorial purposes where people have to be invited to post comments on the site. Taking Care of Yourself When you are grieving it is more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through a difficult time. Face your Feelings Express your feelings in a tangible or creative way Try to maintain your hobbies and interests. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, and don’t tell yourself how to feel either Plan ahead for grief triggers i.e. anniversaries, holidays, birthdays and other milestone dates. Look after your physical health What If Grief Lingers? As time passes following a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one, its normal for feelings of sadness, numbness and anger to gradually ease. These and other difficult emotions become less intense as you begin to accept the loss and start to move forward with your life. However, if

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COVID-19, Parenting Tips

Talking To Your Kids About Coronavirus

Talking To Your Kids About Coronavirus Guest Blogger Kerry Brown, Parent Connext Parenting Specialist, Beech Acres Parenting Center Uncertain Times During these uncertain times, it might feel overwhelming to share information about COVID-19 with your children. As parents, we sometimes think we are protecting by not telling them about scary things; as if shielding them will protect them from the bad feelings or discomfort in this stressful time. In reality, our children pick up on far more than we give them credit for. This is why it is important to share information with them but in an age-appropriate manner. Clarify Facts for Your Kids Sharing facts about COVID-19 can be done in a non-threatening way and actually alleviate some misconceptions they may have created in their minds by not telling them. When children hear something they don’t understand, they tend to create a story that makes sense to them. For example, I worked with a 6-year-old patient in the hospital who had edema. When I assessed his understanding of why he was in the hospital, he thought he had a demon in his body. He had heard the word edema said by the medical staff and his parents, but he had no context for that word, so the word that he did have a context for was a demon. Sometimes a child’s interpretation can be far more terrifying than if we had just explained what was going on. Start The Conversation If you have not had a conversation with your child about coronavirus or COVID-19, start with asking what they have heard about why we are staying home, or if they’ve heard the words coronavirus or COVID-19. If so, ask what they know and if they are wondering about anything. If not, start by explaining that it is a disease or illness that can make people feel sick. Coronavirus is very contagious. Contagious means it can spread or be shared between people very easily when we cough or sneeze. For kids, the virus has mostly been mild or not really bad, but it can be harder for older people (like grandma or grandpa) or people who are already sick, so to help keep them healthy and safe, we are staying home to not share or spread germs.   Explain What You CAN Do There are things we can do and ways we can help, and one is by washing our hands a lot and sneeze or cough into our elbows. It’s also important to keep things clean, like doorknobs, faucets, tables, and counters. You can help at home by helping clean and keep your hands clean. You can also help by making cards for family members we aren’t able to see, or writing notes with chalk on the sidewalk to neighbors. We can also write thank you notes for doctors, nurses, grocery store staff, or anyone who still has to go to work to help us stay safe and healthy. Ask your child what they might want to do to help people feel better. Here are some links for great resources on talking with your children: Resources https://beechacres.org/beech-roots/ https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/02/28/809580453/just-for-kids-a-comic-exploring-the-new-coronavirus https://www.facebook.com/tellnowhitelies/videos/234834407639510/UzpfSTEyMDM5ODYxMTc6MTAyMjI3NjE2OTEzMjk5MTY/

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Discipline, Parenting Tips

Keep Your Cool; Approach Discipline From a Teaching Perspective

Keep Your Cool; Approach Discipline From a Teaching Perspective April is National Child Abuse Awareness Month.  We know that reducing risk factors is the key to prevention. Isolation and financial concerns are two major factors that are increasing anxiety and stress during the COVID-19 pandemic and associated stay-at-home orders. Job loss, illness, grief, and uncertainty are exacerbating the stress we are all feeling. Many of us are not parenting at their best under this heightened pressure. According to a survey of over 500 adults featured in USA Today, 1 in 6 parents have reported spanking or slapping their children during this crisis. How do parents balance stress, patience, and effective discipline during a pandemic? Approach Disciple From a Teaching Perspective First, understand that discipline should be rooted in teaching. Teaching in the moment is intentional and can allow a parent to guide their child’s behavior toward more self-control. Think about the outcome you want from the interaction with your child. A teaching approach empowers children to have alternate options when situations occur and allows them to apply critical thinking. Choose Your Battles Remember that your children are under the same increased stress. These circumstances are just as difficult for them as they are for you. Power struggles are normal and probably are increasing the longer you stay home. Choose your battles. Give your child choices and consequences associated with those choices.  It eliminates the power struggle. Maintain a Routine As parenting specialist Connie Harrison wrote last week, sticking to a routine is important because a routine or schedule is a pattern the brain recognizes and appreciates. Try and stick to your structure because children need a routine. School time, naps, snacks, chores, access to technology, etc. should be on a schedule throughout the day. Children will know what to expect and it can ease their anxiety. Remember though you may need to be a little flexible when needed though to maintain peace. Take a Breath If you feel yourself, losing control, take a deep breath and walk away. Tell your child you need a moment, go into another room. Return when you are calm. This is also can work as a way to model self-calming behavior when children are losing control. Model what you want to see in your children.  They need to see their parents adapting to this “temporary normal” and coping in healthy ways. These “moments” can become a part of your tool-kit that you are using to manage stress. If you need some structure, here is a quick exercise to help you breathe out your stress. “Knowledge is our strongest weapon” in combating the pervasive issue of child abuse, according to the National Children’s Alliance. Reach out for help and know that there are other parents struggling with what to do at the moment when yelling seems easier. Check-in on other parents too.  It’s good to stay connected with one another.  Together we are stronger. If you suspect that others aren’t coping well and a child may be at risk, call your local child protective agency. In most cases, your report will be anonymous, and you may save a child as well as help a parent get back on the right track.

White and green of April Tips from the character effect
character strengths, Parenting Tips

April Parenting Tips From The Character Effect, Now With Even More CHARACTER!

Your April Parenting Tips Are Here! Parents, April is here and you may feel as if you need parenting help more than ever. We get it. This month our parenting tips from The Character Effect™ have a little more character to bring a smile to your face. You’ll be seeing and hearing more about Astrobot, Click, Bex, and Moffee in the weeks and months to come, but this month they will be helping with zest, kindness, and love of learning.  Click to download this month’s calendar. 

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COVID-19, Parenting Tips

Talking to Your Children About The Coronavirus: Tips from Margaret R. Mauzé, PhD, ABPP

Talking to Your Children About The Coronavirus Guest Blogger: Margaret R. Mauzé, PhD, ABPP Emotions are running high. Schools are closed. People are working from home and uncertainty about the next few days and weeks is at an all time high. As adults, many of us are feeling the stress that comes from so many unknowns. For children and teenagers, stress levels may be even higher as they are out of their routines, not able to see their friends and not able to go many places. Below are some tips on how to talk to your children and teenagers about Coronavirus and how to cope with the days and weeks ahead. Preschoolers and Kindergarteners Provide your children with basic facts and information that they are likely to understand. You can explain very simply that there are many germs around and to help stop the spread of these germs, schools are closed and people are staying home to try to keep everyone healthy. Emphasize the importance of handwashing. There are some fun experiments online you can find that show how well soap works at repelling different substances. Elementary School Children Children in elementary school have a better understanding of how germs spread and some of the risks associated with becoming ill. Answer your children’s questions with fact based information and focus on what you as a family are doing to help minimize the spread of germs, by staying home, washing hands and not visiting with friends or family. Adolescents Between their overall understanding of germs and access to social media, online materials, and so forth, adolescents may have the most information of the children in your house. Help them to distinguish between fact-based information versus fear-based information. The Center for Disease Control website (cdc.gov) has a helpful list of facts versus myths. Focus on what information we do know and again, emphasize what we can do to help keep our loved ones and ourselves healthy. Validate Emotions Individuals of all ages may be feeling anxious or nervous about the uncertainty around us. If your children express fear, anxiety, anger or frustration, validate those feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel this way. You can acknowledge your own feelings (“I’m frustrated we can’t go see our friends too. I feel nervous about this sometimes too”) and share with your child or teen how you are managing that feeling (“When I feel myself getting frustrate, I go for a walk. I stop reading news stories when I feel myself worrying.”) Remain Open and Available for Questions or Thoughts As the situation with coronavirus continues to unfold, your children and teens may have questions at various times. Let them know you are available to talk with them anytime they need it. Minimize Exposure to News and Social Media The news is very focused on Coronavirus. Social media sites are overwhelmed with photos of empty toilet paper aisles and rumors about how long things will be shut down. This can increase anxiety. Be careful about watching the news in front of your children and teenagers. Minimize time and exposure even to reputable sites like the Center for Disease Control and the World Health Organization. Older children and teenagers may slip into the rabbit hole of reading story after story or sharing online information with their friends. Encourage them to limit their exposure and to come to you, not other kids, with questions or concerns. Establish a Routine One way to manage anxiety is to focus on what you can control. Stick to your schedule. Keep waking up at the same time. Get dressed everyday. Encourage regular, consistent bedtimes and rest times. Encourage children and teens to engage in academic activities first, perhaps while you work from home, and then do fun activities when academic activities are finished. Try to implement positive family time into this period at home. Maybe everyone plays a game together after dinner or watches a favorite show or movie. Get Outside Exercise keeps us healthy physically and emotionally and breaks up the monotony. Go for family walks or runs. Take a family bike ride. Play soccer or baseball in your yard. If it rains, go play in the puddles with your little ones. Do family yoga together. Have a family dance party while making dinner. Get your bodies moving to help decrease stress and anxiety. Identify Social Outlets Isolation is hard. We are social creatures and for older kids and adolescents their social group is extremely important. Allow for Face Time or texting times for teens to be in touch with their friends. Encourage phone calls or Skype for kids. As always, you want to be cautious about screen time limits and be aware of with whom your kids are interacting but recognizing and enabling your kids to connect with their friends while distancing themselves physically is important. Monitor Your Own Emotions Our kids are watching and listening to us all the time. If you are panicking, they likely will too. If you are demonstrating good self-care, by staying physically active, sticking to a routine and managing your own emotions in a healthy way, they will follow this too. These are trying times but the more you try to keep your own emotions in check, the more you show your children how to do the same. Keep Your Perspective Is life challenging right now? Yes. Is it inconvenient for everyone? Absolutely. But we have been given the unexpected gift of slowing down together as a family and finding some time together. Show grace to those around you. Smile at people in line at the grocery store. If you are out walking, greet your neighbors enthusiastically. Try to embrace this time together as a family to carve out enjoyable time with each other. However, if you or your family members are experiencing anxiety that feels hard to control or out of proportion to the situation, contact your pediatrician or medical provider for additional resources. Remember that our current situation

Multi-colored Beech Acres Parenting Center Strength Spotting Certificate
character strengths, COVID-19, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents

Strength Spotting Certificate

Everyone has their own individual unique strengths inside them (24 to be exact!). While you may be home with your children why not set an intention to spot your kid’s strengths and let them know when you see them using them? This strengths-based approach helps your child build resilience and be more confident. Start by learning more about the 24 character strengths by completing the VIA Character Strengths Survey with your family. Once you know your child’s strengths, take the time to be aware of those strengths and point them out every time you see your child using them. Download and print our Strength Spotting Certificate as an easy way to recognize and celebrate your child’s strengths. Want to learn more about a strengths-based approach to parenting? Visit our website to learn more about Natural Strength Parenting, our unique approach to parenting.

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Parenting Tips, Work From Home

Work From Home Tips For Parents

Work From Home Tips For Parents Work from home experts and newbies weigh in on the new reality for many parents A New Reality A new reality set in for millions of parents across the country this week. Working from home. And not just wearing pajama pants for your Zoom meetings and then streaming Netflix for the rest of the day, or a ‘snow day “work from home”. This is real working from home; while your kids are also at home remote learning, and oh yeah, while there’s a public health crisis unfolding all around us. Since my work from home experience has been limited to the occasional as-needed basis, I reached out to some veterans and some other newbies to get some tips and tricks and to see how other parents are handling their new reality. So, what does working from home look like in the COVID-19 era? According to US Census data, about 8 million US workers work from home, but I imagine that number will rise sharply due to the coronavirus outbreak. As a marketing associate for Beech Acres Parenting Center, my job involves writing a lot of words, crafting inspirational stories from the hard work our service providers do for families in the community, manage 7 social media channels, and more writing. Lots and lots of writing. Essentially, the vast majority of my work can be done from home. Technology like laptop computers, mobile phones, and high-speed internet coupled with software like Microsoft Teams, Google Docs, and Slack make working remotely a breeze. But working from home is not just about the technology to be able to do so, it’s about having the right mindset, establishing a routine, following a schedule and building in time to take breaks. Tips From Work From Home Veterans Liz Wharton has been working from home for nearly a decade. As a Senior Project Manager responsible for keeping teams organized and projects on-track she has learned the do’s and don’ts of working from home. In a blog post on working from home, she recommends staying connected with colleagues regularly using available technology. “Facetime/Skype are your friends,” she says. Staying focused and avoiding distractions are key to remining productive while working from home. Liz recommends, “Put your workspace in a section of your house where there are not too many immediate distractions, i.e. television, kitchen, laundry. Yes, you are home, and yes, you get more flexibility, but don’t let distractions of housework and media destroy your productivity.” Finally, she says burnout can happen at home too, make sure you are mindful of taking breaks and focusing on self-care. “If you feel trapped, take a break and take a step outside for a few minutes. No phone, no noise. Breathe in and take in the nature around you. Ask for help if you are feeling overwhelmed or down. Remember you are not alone!” Having a fuzzy dog around can be an adorable distraction but it also gives you the motivation to take frequent breaks and get outside for some much-needed fresh air and social distancing. Chris Beiting, a video producer and product manager for an education company, has been working from home on and off since 2009 and full time since 2014. He recommends establishing a routine and getting dressed for work. “A routine is important, Chris says. “In order to get into the work mindset, I have to get up, get showered, and get dressed for work. Now, I don’t mean wear business casual or a suit. But I need to at least not work in my pajamas.” Like Liz, Chris recommends remaining focused and avoiding distractions. “The trick is to have a dedicated work area,” Chris said. “I’m fortunate enough that I’ve usually been able to have a dedicated room in my house to set up a home office – but even if you don’t, it’s important to set up space. Don’t work from your bed. It’s setting you up for failure.” Chris’ reality changed a bit thanks to COVID-19. Now his 2nd grader is working from home too. “My daughter has never known her dad to not work from home. When she’s been sick or just off from school most of the time she will be here with me anyway.” Ruthie is used to the work from home routine and armed with her trusty Chromebook she’s ready to learn from home like her dad. “I need to be mindful so she’s keeping up on the tasks that her school has given her,” Chris said. “Thankfully she’s 8, so there is some self-sufficiency.” Chris’ additional tips include: Creating a specific workspace Getting dressed for work (trust me it mentally prepares you for the day) Keeping your pets close to avoid getting lonely Taking advantage of technology to stay in touch Creating a daily “to-do” list Listening to music Finally, Chris said to lean into your strengths of love, humor, perseverance, forgiveness, perspective, and importantly, hope. “It’s easy to get down with what’s happening in the news. Hours seem like days with all the doom and gloom. Don’t let your fears and worries redirect on your children. They can know you have worries, but it is up to you to let them know that no matter what happens, you’re a team and you will get through this together.” Both Liz and Chris stressed the importance of keeping to your schedule, not over-working, and ending your day at your normal time. “A common problem when working from home is working harder and longer than normal,” Liz said. “It’s all about discipline and schedule.” Chris echoed this sentiment. “It’s important I end the day at 5 pm,” he said. It’s easy to get into the mode where you’re always working. And it’s even more important to have that division when working from home. So, I do my best to stop at 5 and not work evenings or weekends — unless there’s a deadline or things need addressed that can’t wait, of course.” A

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