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Parent Connext™

Photo of a young boy wincing as a nurse gives him a shot
Anxiety, Parent Connext™

Intentionally Preparing Your Child for Shots at the Doctor’s Office

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Going to the doctor can be stressful for your children. Especially when a scheduled or seasonal shot is part of the visit! Here are some tips to make your visit go a little easier. Prepare your child: Let your child know before you go what the plan is. Most parents are afraid if they share with their child about the shot, the child will have a meltdown and not go. Keep in mind, it is better for the child to go through normal emotions at home instead of in the office where the pressure is high. Calmly explain what will happen and what options your child has (do you want to watch or look away, would you like to sit on my lap or on the table, do you want them to count or just do it). Show what will happen with a stuffed animal or doll at home. If you have alcohol wipes, a syringe, and a band-aid, you can walk your child through the steps and let him play it out as well. Explain that first the nurse will clean the area and it might feel a little cool, then the nurse will give the shot, then when you get the band-aid it’s all done. Clean, shot, band-aid, done! Ask your child what will help him during the shot (see questions above), then talk about what you will do after the appointment (get a sticker, go to the park, etc). Empathize with your child and let her know you wish it was a choice to get the shot, but it’s important to get the shot to help keep us healthy. It is a choice how you get shot and provide choices for after the appointment. This can be as simple as picking out a sticker at the office, going to the park, or doing something else your child might enjoy if possible. If you can’t do something right after the appointment, let your child know when it will happen, like after work/school. Stay calm: You may be nervous or anxious yourself, especially if you have had a negative experience for yourself or with your child. Try mindfulness or this STOP activity to work on calming yourself first. Children are a thermometer and can feed off their adult caregiver’s stress. Staying calm can help your child stay calm. Practice breathing with your child as well.  For older kids, you can work on strategies at home that will help with anxiety and fear. Would he like to squeeze a stress ball (or your hand) during, does he want to watch, would he like to listen to music. Practice mindful breathing (see STOP activity) and talk about how it can help calm the body so it makes the shot easier. You can also put a cold pack on the other arm or leg at the same time as the shot. The brain can’t process pain and cold at the same time, so it can help alleviate some of the fear of the pain. Some offices may have the buzzy to try as well: Tell her it’s her job to let you know how it felt when it is over and if the cold pack helped. Comfort positioning: Depending on the age of the child, you can advocate for a comfortable position during the shot. For infants, you can swaddle with just the leg out, which can be calming, or breastfeed, feed, or give the pacifier during the shot. For toddlers/preschool age, you can have the child sit on your lap facing you and hug her to help keep her still. If your medical practice does not like the child sitting on an adult’s lap, you can get on the table and sit behind your child with her legs on the table and cross her arms in front of her while gently hugging. Remind her of her choices (which leg/arm, if she wants to watch or look away, and if she wants the nurse to count or not). Remind her it’s clean, poke, band-aid then all done, then discuss what you are doing after (get a sticker, go get a treat, etc).  Distraction: Some kids benefit from distraction during the procedure, you can bring bubbles and ask if she wants to blow them (helps with breathing) or have you blow them, or bring a stuffed animal that can get the shot first that she can then hug and talk to during. You can also show a video or sing a song. Some offices may have the buzzy that helps block sharp pain and provides a distraction that you can request. Play: Let the child play it out when you get home. Give your child the opportunity to play with the medical supplies when he gets home after your appointment. The play helps him work through getting the shot and provides a sense of control over a situation he had no control over.

Social and Emotional Development flyer with a photo of two parents laughing with their two kids
Parent Connext™, Parenting Tips, Parenting Tips, Parents

Understanding and Supporting Your Child’s Social and Emotional Development

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Defining Social and Emotional Development Social and emotional development refers to how children begin to understand who they are, what emotions they are experiencing, and what to expect when interacting with others. Your child’s social and emotional development will inform how they: •Establish and sustain positive relationships with others.  •Experience, manage and express their feelings.  •Explore, understand and interact with the world around them. “Parents and caregivers play the biggest role in social and emotional development because they offer the most consistent relationships for their child. To nurture your child’s social and emotional development, it is important that you actively engage in quality interactions on a daily or regular basis, depending on the age of your child*.” Understanding and Supporting Your Child’s Social and Emotional Development Every time you see your child after separation (first thing in the morning, after a nap or school), take a moment to connect with them. Smile, have a hug, ask about their day. Let them know you’re happy to see them. Practice active listening and reflect back what your child has said. If your child is too young to talk, you can still describe the emotions they are expressing (i.e. you’re sad because your toy broke.) Explore Emotion Wheels: naming your emotions & help your child identify theirs. Allow whatever feelings arise. Notice that it eventually fades. Read a book or watch a movie together about friends, cooperation, helping each other, emotions, or empathy. *helpmegrow.org

Orange graphic about building strong family bonds with a photo of a mother and father with their two kids
Parent Connext™, Parenting Tips

Building Strong Family Bonds

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We all long for close, loving relationships with our children. By being intentional and mindful, we can build strong bonds with our kids at any age. Practice Empathy What is Empathy?Psychology Today defines empathy as “the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person…It involves experiencing another person’s point of view, rather than just one’s own.” ➢ When our children feel seen and heard, they feel better about themselves, can better regulate their emotions, and feel closer to us.➢ When we don’t acknowledge our child’s feelings, these feelings don’t go away. They are still there and kids feel alone rather than supported.➢ When we can allow space for our children to express and fully feel all of their emotions, the strong feelings can be handled by coaching your child to utilize self-regulation which is a life skill we want our kids to master.➢ When our children know we will respond with empathy, they are more likely to come to us for support. Keys to Building Strong Bonds Respond to your Child’s Needs: When your child is crying or calls for you, respond quickly, even if it is to let them know you heard them and that you are coming to them. Make Reunions Count: When you first see your child in the morning or after school, smile and give them your full attention for a few minutes. Take the time to say “good morning” or ask them about their day. Tell them how happy you are happy to see them. Connect through Physical Touch: Young children usually love to snuggle. As your kids get older, they still benefit from physical touch. Give your child hugs or a back rub if they are receptive. Spend TIME IN: Try to spend time with your child each day. Aim for at least 5 minutes of focused attention where your child is in charge of what you play or what you talk about. Create Rituals: Make some time to do enjoyable things together and try to do them regularly. Ideas- story time, family dinners, evening walks, movie nights, game nights, outings to your favorite places. Revisit Memories: Talk about past events such as vacations or holidays. Tell your child a story from when they were younger. Look at pictures together and reminisce. Say “I Love You”: Let your child know how much they mean to you often. Tell them how you feel verbally. You can also put it in writing—a card on their bed, a note on the bathroom mirror, a sweet message in their lunch box that will remind them they are loved.

Orange graphic with a photo of a doctor listening to a child's heart with information about going to the doctor
Doctor, Parent Connext™

Tips for Parents To Ease Concerns About Going to the Doctor

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Medical appointments can be scary for children. With a little preparation, you can make the experience less stressful, even if they are getting a shot! Prepare Your Child in Advance Talk to your child about the importance of going to the doctor for check-ups and getting vaccines to help stay healthy. Use Play as a Tool Engage in medical play with your child to help them feel more comfortable with going to the doctor for appointments. Practice Calming Strategies Prep in advance for when your child needs a shot. Give them choices such as picking the arm to receive the shot, watching or looking away, would they like a distraction such as music or a video to watch? At the Appointment Debrief after the appointments. Young children may want to do medical play again while older kids might have some questions. This is a good time to plan any changes the doctor recommends, such as less screen time, increased activity, or more fruits and vegetables.

White, orange, and green Empathy & Compassion info graphic with puzzle piece icons
Parent Connext™

The Empathy and Compassion Connection

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To help you stay calm when your child has challenging emotions and behaviors, remember that “wants” feel like “needs” to children. Their brains are still developing! Here are some tips from our Parent Connext™ experts to help you communicate with empathy and compassion. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, without really understanding their experience.  Empathy is understanding and sharing the feelings of another. Compassion is the feeling of wanting to help someone who is hurting. Empathy and compassion lead to connection. Connecting with your child helps them better manage their feelings and behaviors. Communicating With Empathy and Compassion It looks like you are really sad right now. Is there something I can do to help, or might you just need some space? I understand that it is hard to stop playing with your tablet when it is time for bed. I love your strength of curiosity. Would you like to try some deep breaths? It seems like you feel frustrated about your dinner choices. It can be tricky to make healthy choices sometimes. I get a sense that school was really tiring for you today. Would you like to talk about it, or maybe a few minutes to rest would be helpful? I wonder if you’re feeling really sad because Maggie can’t play right now. Would time with your stuffed animal be helpful? I know you are really excited for Sam’s birthday party! I’m excited for you, too. How might you use some of this energy in a creative way? Download this and keep handy for communicating with empathy and compassion.

Photo of a young boy having a meltdown in a chair
Parent Connext™

Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired. Stressed. What Might Be Causing Your Child (or you!) To Meltdown

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Guest Blogger Kerry Brown, Parenting Specialist, Parent Connext™ Has your child ever had a bad day with a lot of meltdowns, and you can’t figure out why? Do you take your child’s behavior personally? In parenting, we can tend to become reactive to our child’s negative behavior because we are taking it personally. We feel the child’s behavior is at us or about us, but in reality, they are just expressing a need. If we can take a step back and QTIP (Quit Taking It Personally), then we can assess what the need is for our child. By doing this, we can help meet our child’s needs and then teach them how to recognize them in the future. One tool for healthy coping skills that are used in addiction recovery is the acronym: H.A.L.T. This is used to help people remember their basic needs and to prevent relapse by never getting too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. The same can be used for parenting, but with an additional letter S, so then it becomes H.A.L.T.S H: Hunger. Is your child hungry? This one seems simple, but young children eat many small meals throughout the day, so healthy snacks can help improve behavior if it’s been a while since they had a meal. Also, being aware of your own hunger and how you are responding to your child. Being intentional about packing snacks and consistent meal times can help manage hunger meltdowns. A: Anger. This is obviously an emotional response, but underneath it is often about control or lack thereof. Every human has a need for control in life, even children. People have different needs for control, and if you imagine it like a bucket that needs to be filled throughout the day, think about how often that is filled for a child and how often it can be emptied. Children do not get a lot of say in their day, and if they have a higher need for control or strong leadership skills, this can create meltdowns when it feels like their control bucket is empty. Providing 2 choices and a routine schedule so your child knows what to expect can help fill your child’s control bucket. L: Lonely. This is about connection and attention. If children are not getting attention in a positive way, they will seek it out with negative behavior. All humans are wired for connection, so learning how you can connect with your child is helpful. The good news is kids only need about 10 minutes of quality time a day. The challenge with that is quality time is defined as one on one, the child is in charge, and there are no distractions. This part can be tricky. We often spend a lot of time with our children, but how often is it quality time? Creating intentional time to spend with your child either daily or weekly can increase connection which then increases cooperation. T: Tired. Children need a lot of sleep and a consistent sleep schedule. When they are sleep-deprived, you may see more meltdowns and refusal to cooperate. If you look at the breakdown of how much sleep a child needs by age, make sure your child is getting enough. Also make sure to have a consistent bedtime, even on weekends. I am sure you have experienced the consequences of allowing your young child to stay up late on a special occasion or weekend, only to pay for it for many days after with his/her behavior?  S: Stressed. This one has been added as it’s important to understand how children respond to the adult’s stress. They are a thermometer for their parent or caregiver’s stress, so they are often reacting to the stressful energy. Have you ever been stressed out because you are running late and tell your kids to hurry and get their shoes on, only to turn around and see that they are taking their socks off? This is them responding to your stress, and often they shut down or meltdown when they feel the stressful energy. This can just frustrate the parent more, which then escalates the child, and it becomes even more stressful and difficult. This is not to say that parents are not allowed to have stress, it’s just to be aware of how your stress is impacting your child. Then it is helpful to learn what you need to do to manage your stressful energy. Sometimes it is just communicating to your child how you are feeling and why you are feeling that way.

White graphic for Parent Connext™ that shows an example of a chore list
Parent Connext™

Bring Order To Your Family’s Chaos With These Ideas From Parent Connext™

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“Where is my family!?!” This was the angry and explosive text a working mom received in the middle of a 4-5 pm meeting from her 11-year-old son. 📱 Oops! It was back-to-school time and the family was in transition…and chaos. The end of summer meant the family was transitioning from someone being home all the time to mom and dad being back to work. Sports and activities were starting back up for the boy and his older sister. Add in homework, general anxiety, stress over the pandemic and it’s easy to see why this text was sent. At 11 years old, he could effectively manage being home alone for an hour or so, but Mom suddenly realized it was stressful for him to come home to no one with no explanation. BUT THIS MOM had experienced parent coaching! Pulling together a few lessons she learned brought order to the chaos. She took a deep breath, calmed down and remembered that no parent is perfect.   She and her husband had set a couple intentions that align to their family values: (1) skill building kids at all ages to be independent is important (2) smartphone is not an option until junior high. Her Parent Coach had said to be present and empathetic in moments of frustration with her son.  BUT he needed to understand how his angry and explosive emotions impact to the rest of the family.  She knew that she did NOT have time to keep a beautifully organized Pottery Barn whiteboard calendar, so she used her strength of creativity. She uses PowerPoint all the time at work. She could use it at home as well! They needed to find a creative new approach that would make sense to James and encourage working together.  Maybe ‘family’ wasn’t quite the right word for her athletically inclined son… but “team” works well with him.  So, a little reminder that we are all in this together was added. So… the “team” brainstormed together to create a system that works for everyone.  Each Friday, mom copies and pastes the coming week’s calendar into PowerPoint, prints it out, and hangs it up on the refrigerator. This reminds him of what’s going on, and of his part of the team’s game plan. He knows if mom’s in a 4-5 pm meeting, but also knows she will sneak a peek to her email to be sure he’s home safe. 🗓 Ready to bring order to your chaos? Schedule a parent coaching session today!

Graphic of a blue backpack full of school supplies
Back To School, Parent Connext™

Get Ready to Head Back to School with These Tips from Parent Connext®

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Summer vacation is wrapping up, and most school-age children are returning to the classroom this month. Help your child transition back to school smoothly with a little advanced preparation! Need a little extra help? Schedule a session with a Parent Connext® parenting specialist today! Reestablish School Year Routines • Shift to an earlier bedtime. If your child has been going to bed later for the summer, take some time to slowly shift to an earlier bedtime and earlier waking time in the a.m. (The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends:10-13 hours of sleep for 3 – 5 year-olds (including naps), 9-12 hours for 6 – 12 year-olds, and 8-10 hours of sleep for 13 – 18 year-olds. • Designate a homework spot where your child will do their homework. Have materials your child will need to do their homework on hand nearby.• If screen time has crept up over the summer, the start of the school year is a good time to cut back on screen time, so your child will have adequate time for homework, physical activity, family time, and sleep. • Do a practice run of your weekday routine. This will help prepare everyone for how much time they need to get ready in the a.m. and help make sure everyone has everything they need to get the year started on the right foot!• Read aloud to your young child, have older children read to you or on their own. Managing Back-to-School Jitters • Talk to your child about how they are feeling. Be supportive and normalize thateveryone feels nervous at the start of a new school year.• When possible, tour their new classroom and meet the teacher before the first day of school.• Schedule a meet-up with a friend or small group of friends before the first day back to school.• Take your child Back to School Shopping. Let them pick out their school supplies and/or a special outfit for the first day.• Plan a special outing to celebrate the start of the new school year. Visit a park, the zoo, a swimming pool, or go out for a special meal or treat.• If your child is especially anxious, consider seeking additional support through your child’s school or pediatrician. Reconnecting • Transition Time: Your child needs time to shift gears from school to home. Some children need time alone in peace and quiet. Others want to talk to you about their day. Allow time for your child to decompress in whatever way best suits them before starting homework or heading to an activity.• Time In: As life gets busier, make one-on-one time with your child a priority. Five minutes a day of focused attention helps build a strong connection. Let your child choose what you play or what you talk about.• Family Time: When possible, have meals together. Plan other activities together, such as a walk after dinner, storytime, or a family outing on the weekend.

Blue icon with an iceberg on it
Parent Connext™, Parenting Tips

Tip of the Iceberg; What Big Emotions Lie Beneath the Surface of your Child’s Behavior

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What you see in behavior from your child is just the tip of the iceberg. Underneath are big emotions that can be hard to wrestle with for a child. Natural Strength Parenting™ can empower you to help your child understand what may be causing big outbursts by helping them identify what may be happening inside or ‘under the water’. Intentional parenting, as part of the Natural Strength Parenting™ approach, means being proactive instead of reactive in your parenting. When your child present emotions, it’s easy to react to what you see and hear. But that may not tell the entire story. Why is your child acting sad? Or worried? Or angry? There’s something causing their surface emotions. Rather simply react to their emotions, try and figure out what’s causing them.  Start by asking powerful questions. Instead of the ‘typical questions’ that will get standard one-word responses; “What’s wrong?” or “how was your day?”, ask your children more specific questions about their emotions. If they have recently heard or seen unsettling news, ask them what they think about the situation. Spending time actively listening to their answers to powerful questions can provide deeper insight into how your child is feeling. Sometimes your child may “flip their lid” and may not be able to answer you in a calm, logical manner. If they’ve already flipped their lid, remember what emotions may be lurking under the surface of the iceberg and respond with empathy.  Once you understand what is causing your child’s expressed behaviors you can work with them to find ways to manage their emotions. Lean into their strengths (link to What Strengths Will You Use Today?) to help them positively approach their emotions. For example, if they are expressing anger towards a friend or peer, lean into their strength of perspective to help them understand the other person’s point of view. This can help them manage their anger and work toward a resolution.  You can also introduce mindfulness to help your child cope. If they are acting withdrawn or shutdown because they are overwhelmed or anxious about their schoolwork, you can have them practice a mindful activity to help them redirect their anxiety. The S.T.O.P. activity can help your child stop, take a breath, observe their situation, and proceed with a calm, clear mind. Link to Characters video for younger kids, PDF for older. Understanding what is really causing the emotions your child is expressing by being fully present in the moment with you can help lead to and healing. Share this with your child in a calm moment to spark a conversation and inspire understanding. 

Parent Connext™, Parenting Tips

Support Your Child’s Self-Confidence, Boost Their Resilience, and Promote Their Well Being Using This Parenting Road Map

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  Support Your Child’s Self-Confidence, Boost Their Resilience, and Promote Their Well Being Using This Parenting Road Map The Power of Three Support Your Child’s Self-Confidence You can support your child’s self-confidence by letting them know they are loved unconditionally each and every day. Point out and affirm their unique, individual strengths and celebrate their successes. Actively listen to what they have to say and be empathetic and open to their feelings. Here are 3 ways to support your child’s self-confidence: Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey Spend at least five “unplugged” minutes per day with your child Be intentional about offering praise Boost Your Child’s Resilience Continue to show your ongoing and unconditional love and support while allowing your child to be independent and develop their own coping and problem-solving skills. Avoid “helicopter” or “lawnmower” parenting whenever possible to encourage independence. Let your child make choices. Guide them by providing solutions that you are comfortable with Name your emotions when you are feeling them and encourage your child to do the same Let your child deal with the consequences of their actions. Be there to follow up and support them, but allow them to use their strengths to deal with situations Promote Your Child’s Mental Well Being Speak to your child regularly about important topics such as mental health, dating, respect, and relationships. Focus on your family’s values when discussing these topics. Encourage your child to take care of themselves by relaxing, practicing mindfulness and putting down their phone from time to time. Model these behaviors by practicing them yourself. Practice mindfulness, meditation, and other relaxation activities with your child Talk with your child about stress and symptoms they may experience because of that stress Gather more information about your child’s developmental stage Download our Power of Three Roadmap and try these strategies with your child. You can also visit our website to find out if Beech Acres Parenting Center is in your child’s school or pediatrician’s office.  

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