Contact Us
Visit The Character Effect website
The
Character
Effect
Visit The PCX website
PCX
App Coming Soon!

Beech Acres

Go to the home page
Facebook Linkedin Instagram
Donate
Careers

Parenting Tips

Parent Connext™, Parenting Tips

Support Your Child’s Self-Confidence, Boost Their Resilience, and Promote Their Well Being Using This Parenting Road Map

/

  Support Your Child’s Self-Confidence, Boost Their Resilience, and Promote Their Well Being Using This Parenting Road Map The Power of Three Support Your Child’s Self-Confidence You can support your child’s self-confidence by letting them know they are loved unconditionally each and every day. Point out and affirm their unique, individual strengths and celebrate their successes. Actively listen to what they have to say and be empathetic and open to their feelings. Here are 3 ways to support your child’s self-confidence: Take the VIA Character Strengths Survey Spend at least five “unplugged” minutes per day with your child Be intentional about offering praise Boost Your Child’s Resilience Continue to show your ongoing and unconditional love and support while allowing your child to be independent and develop their own coping and problem-solving skills. Avoid “helicopter” or “lawnmower” parenting whenever possible to encourage independence. Let your child make choices. Guide them by providing solutions that you are comfortable with Name your emotions when you are feeling them and encourage your child to do the same Let your child deal with the consequences of their actions. Be there to follow up and support them, but allow them to use their strengths to deal with situations Promote Your Child’s Mental Well Being Speak to your child regularly about important topics such as mental health, dating, respect, and relationships. Focus on your family’s values when discussing these topics. Encourage your child to take care of themselves by relaxing, practicing mindfulness and putting down their phone from time to time. Model these behaviors by practicing them yourself. Practice mindfulness, meditation, and other relaxation activities with your child Talk with your child about stress and symptoms they may experience because of that stress Gather more information about your child’s developmental stage Download our Power of Three Roadmap and try these strategies with your child. You can also visit our website to find out if Beech Acres Parenting Center is in your child’s school or pediatrician’s office.  

Photo of a man sitting on a bench while talking to a young girl
Anxiety, Mental Health, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents

How To Talk To Your Kids About Mental Health; Speaking To Your High Schooler

/

How To Talk To Your Kids About Mental Health 1 in 5 children lives with a serious, diagnosable mental illness. 1 in 5. Think about your child’s friends, their class, their school. That’s a lot of kids. It’s never been more important to be able to speak openly and honestly about mental health with your children. Fortunately, today’s parents are more open to discussing these important issues that previous generations. So, you’re open to discussing mental health with your child, but how do you do it? Where do you start? As with most essential topics, start at the beginning. Talk with your children about their feelings, focus on their strengths, and, most importantly listen to what they have to say. Here are some tips from our parenting experts to start the conversation with your teen. Junior High and High School   Teenagers. Am I right? You thought they could throw a tantrum when they were toddlers? That’s nothing to the depth of emotions you’ll see as they (hopefully) mature into young adults. Pre-teens, tweens, and teenagers are different from your younger kids as they are dealing with far greater and far more pressure than ever before. Mix in challenging physical changes and ever more complex relationships, and you’ll quickly find that discussing mental health with your teenagers is critically important. With teen suicide at an all-time high, there has never been a better reason to talk, and listen to, your kids.  What to say to your kids as they sprint toward adulthood. Find creative ways other than talking to express their feelings. The bottom line is sometimes your teen is just not going to want to talk about how they are feeling. That can be OK on occasion as long as they have some way to express themselves. Encourage journaling, painting, music, drawing, dancing, anything artistic builds on their strength of creativity and can help them manage their emotions even when they don’t feel like talking. Ask questions when they are feeling fine. Mental health is just like physical health. Sometimes you feel good, and other times, not so much. Having conversations around their positive emotions and what makes them feel good, reinforces those good feelings, and helps prepare them to cope with the bad. Ask them questions that help you gauge their sadder emotions. Understanding if your child feels like they do not have a way to express their feelings, or don’t have someone to talk to is critical. Hopefully, when they were younger, you established key adults in their lives that they can go to. Ask them, “Do you ever feel completely alone?” or “Do you ever feel like no one understands you?” If the answer is yes, reinforce that you are there for them and reiterate everyone else in their lives that care for them as well. A mental health assessment may help you understand if a more therapeutic approach is necessary here. Talk to them about the stressors and pressures in their lives. Kids are busier now than ever. And the pressure they feel, whether it’s from you, a teacher or coach, or even themselves, is greater than ever. Stay involved. Talk to your children daily over dinner and understand what is going on in their lives. If homework, an after-school job, or college pressures are getting to be too much, intervene with coping methods to help them get back on track. A little mindfulness, some breathing exercises, yoga, or even just a walk outdoors can help ease their stress Monitor their media consumption. Look, you know your kid is staring at their phone all day every day. But do you know what they are staring at. This generation is growing up in a culture and with a comfort around technology that you probably don’t have. It can be hard to keep up. The reality is it’s far too easy for them to slip in a digital rabbit hole of inappropriate content, messaging that doesn’t align with your family’s values, and cyberbullying. Be aware of what they are doing online and be proactive. Ask if they know people who struggle with anxiety or depression and how they manage it? Be prepared for the answer to this question to be yes. Your child likely knows someone that is dealing with something. They may learn coping skills from their friends, but this is an opportunity to gain insight into how they are feeling about anxiety or depression. Listen to them and seek help if necessary. How long is it okay to be sad…. 1 minute, 1 hour, 1 day, 100 days? Trying to gauge your child understanding of sadness can open up a real conversation about mental health. Feelings should come and go. Again, like physical feelings, emotional feelings can be good and bad and can and should change with experiences and because of your environment. It’s when those not so great feeling emotions hang around for a little too long that you may need to be concerned. Talking with your children early, often, and continuously about their mental well-being is so essential. Share these tips with fellow parents and let us know which strategies worked best for your family. Check out our complete guide to talking to your child about mental health at any age. Learn more about discussing mental health with your preschooler. Learn more about discussing mental health with your child in elementary school. Learn more about discussing mental health with your teens and high schoolers. Looking to go further? Check out Natural Strength Parenting To Go! These text-based courses from our parenting experts help you get the most out of Natural Strength Parenting™ with easy-to-implement parenting strategies. Get started today!

Photo of a little girl reading with father on the couch
Anxiety, Back To School, Mental Health, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents

How To Talk To Your Kids About Mental Health; Tips For Talking To Your Preschooler

/

How To Talk To Your Kids About Mental Health 1 in 5 children lives with a serious, diagnosable mental illness. 1 in 5. Think about your child’s friends, their class, their school. That’s a lot of kids. It’s never been more important to be able to speak openly and honestly about mental health with your children. Fortunately, today’s parents are more open to discussing these important issues that previous generations. So, you’re open to discussing mental health with your child, but how do you do it? Where do you start? As with most essential topics, start at the beginning. Talk with your children about their feelings, focus on their strengths, and most importantly listen to what they have to say. Here are some tips from our parenting experts to get the conversation started with your preschooler. We’ll also share how to keep the conversation going with tips on speaking to your child in elementary school and into junior high and high school. Preschool It’s never too early to begin talking to your child about mental health. For your younger children, keep it simple and speak in terms and contexts that they will be able to understand. Preschool-age children are likely not just going to tell you how they feel, but they may express their feelings in a variety of ways. Look for their clues and engage them when you see them expressing different emotions. Use these clues as an opportunity for you to help them understand their feelings as they are first experiencing them and help them navigate their reactions to those emotions. What to ask. And what to say to your preschooler. What causes you to have butterflies in your stomach? This feeling of anxiety or nervousness is an easy one for children to recognize as it manifests itself physically. Help them identify what causes these feelings and help them cope with it by facing their feelings head-on. Where do your feelings come from? Helping your children understand where their feelings come from, how and why they react to certain experiences and stimuli, can help them begin to work out what to do with those emotions. Who can you talk to if your feelings get to be too much? Let your children know that you are there for them always. But also teach them to establish trust with other key adults in their lives. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, mentors, close friends, and doctors and therapists should be recognized as trusted people that they can turn to discuss their feelings. What are some ways you can calm down/relax/feel better/control your feelings? However, you phrase it, making sure that your children understand basic coping techniques at an early age is important. It may be quiet time in their room, a certain song or playlist, drawing or coloring, or even snuggling with mom or dad. Once your children know they have a way to deal with their feelings, they are starting to build resilience. Use media and daily experiences to normalize conversations about reacting to specific emotions. After watching a movie, TV show, or YouTube video together discuss how the characters interacted with each other and dealt with their feelings. Talking with your children early, often, and continuously about their mental well-being is so essential. Share these tips with fellow parents and let us know which strategies worked best for your family. Check out our complete guide to talking to your child about mental health at any age. Learn more about discussing mental health with your preschooler. Learn more about discussing mental health with your child in elementary school. Learn more about discussing mental health with your teens and high schoolers. Looking to go further? Check out Natural Strength Parenting To Go! These text-based courses from our parenting experts help you get the most out of Natural Strength Parenting™ with easy-to-implement parenting strategies. Get started today!

Photo of three children sitting and reading a book
middle child, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents, Raising Positive Children

Stuck In The Middle; Parenting Tips for Raising Your Middle Child

/

“I’m losing my mind just a little So why don’t you just meet me in the middle?” Maren Morris, “The Middle” We’re not sure if Maren Morris is a middle child or not, but for middle children everywhere just hearing the word “middle” can cause you to shudder. You probably heard the hit song “The Middle” more often than a middle child heard themselves called by their proper names during the course of their entire childhood. Being called by their sibling’s name. Being the “forgotten” child. Becoming the de facto “negotiator” in the family. Hand me down jeans and tag-along hobbies. The stereotypes of “middle child syndrome” are as well-known and accurate, and often inaccurate, as any other stereotype. “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” Jan Brady, The Brady Bunch Nowhere else in pop-culture has the middle child stereotype been more grossly overstated and exaggerated than in Jan Brady, the classic middle child from the 70’s hit sitcom The Brady Bunch. Not only was Jan stuck in-between her younger sister Cindy and older sister Marcia, but she was also placed in a fantastical and unique fictional family dynamic; dead father, blended family featuring another trio of siblings, unrealistic expectations to live up to the popularity and success of her older sister…the famous expression of her exacerbation “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia” is seared into our collective consciousness. That feeling of not being able to live up to her sister and feeling trapped and forgotten in the middle certainly doesn’t have to be the destiny of any middle child. Let’s break some of these stereotypes by focusing on your middle child’s strengths. “Live right now, just be yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough, for someone else. It just takes some time, little girl your in the middle of the ride, everything, everything will be just fine. Everything, everything will be all right.” Jimmy Eat World, “The Middle” Another hit song called “The Middle”, this one by Jimmy Eat World, encourages everyone to be themselves and to be their best. Whether we’re talking about your first child, middle child, or sixth child, all of your children have their own unique strengths. One way to make sure all of your children feel special is to take the VIA Survey of Character strengths (link) and share everyone’s top strengths. This will show all of your children, that they are unique, special and have different strengths that set them apart. Three sibling dynamics are tough. Try to avoid two-person centric tasks and activities. Those types of situations are likely to make one child feel left out. It can be hard to have three peers together because typically two feel more unity than the one. It’s a ‘numbers game’ and three is one of the most difficult to manage. It’s the same with friendships. Remember the last time your kid had more than one friend over for a sleepover? How quickly did that end in tears? Active listening is important with all of your children, being present and in the moment when you are having a conversation lets them know you are truly engaged and listening to them, but it can be critically important to your middle child, especially if they are already vulnerable to feeling left out or forgotten. Put your phone down, get comfortable, be engaged and listen to what your child is saying. “Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.”Stealers Wheel, “Stuck in the Middle With You” The middle child often feels “on their own” because a big family is a busy family. Their older sibling probably already has activities that they are actively involved in and the younger sibling may require more work and attention. This can cause a feeling of isolation for the middle child. They feel “stuck” between their older sister’s constant soccer practices and their younger brother’s constant tantrums. This may cause them to desire more attention and even act out to obtain it. Remember their strengths and point them out. “Thank you for using your strength of self-regulation sitting quietly and doing your homework during your sister’s game. I know it was a long game, she appreciates your support!” or “Thank you for using your humor to help calm your brother down. I know he can be a handful sometimes, but he loves when you make him laugh.” Pointing out their strengths and including them in situations reminds them that they are an important part of the family. Set aside time for your children to play together. Find something they all like or have them take turns choosing a board game, or other fun activity to do together. On a rainy day, encourage them to practice some mindfulness by doing some yoga or even just a quick breathing exercise. Your smartphone or smartwatch may have something to guide them through this. (Added benefit you get some peace and quiet, if only for a few minutes) And, if they choose a game that involves more than three players, jump in and play with them! “I think I’m a little bit caught in the middle Gotta keep going or they’ll call me a quitter” Paramore, “Caught in the Middle”  It is important that your middle child does not feel unnecessary pressure to live up to inflated expectations. One child may excel at sports, while another succeeds in the classroom. Help them find what they are good at and encourage them to be their best. They may even reject what their older siblings are into. And that’s fine. Encourage them to try different things, and they will find what suits them. Parenting a middle child may be more difficult or even easier than parenting your first or your last, but in reality, the same principles apply. Love them. Focus on their strengths. And be intentional, fully present, and completely engaged with them.

White Back to School Quick Tips BAPC graphic with a backpack on it
Back To School, Beech Acres, character strengths, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents, Schools

Back To School Quick Tips!

/

Back to School Quick Tips Try a few of these tips at home to help your family successfully transition back to your school year routine. Let us know which ones worked for you! State An Intention Start by setting an intention with your child for the new school year. Ask, “what can you do to make this year your best yet?” Get curious with them and ask “What do you need from me to succeed?” Then make sure to build in accountability. “What steps will you take to succeed?” “How will you know if the intention you set is working? How will your experience at school be better?” Build On Thier Strengths Acknowledge your child’s fear and anxiety, and offer the idea that these feelings subside as you become familiar with what was once ‘new’. Every person has 24 character strengths inside them. You can discover your family’s strengths for free by taking the VIA Character Strengths Survey located on our website. Take A Mindful Moment Actively listen to their concerns and let them know you are listening. “I hear that you are worried about your first day of school, but you smiled when you talked about seeing your friends again.” Take Time For Yourself Set an intention for yourself to be prepared and ready to help your kids succeed! Lean into your own strengths of Love, Fairness, Judgment, Leadership, and Perseverance. Take a moment for yourself. Sit outside and take a moment to Appreciate the Beauty of these final summer days.

Graphic of a black smartphone with positive text messages displayed on the screen
Parenting Tips

How To Let Your Kids Know You Love Them Every Day…And Make Sure They See It 📱

/

Sometimes your children just need to hear that you love them. Between school, sports, clubs, and other responsibilities you may miss these opportunities to let them know how you feel. Send them a quick text. They already have their phone📱in their hand anyway! It may just brighten their day. 🌞 Share messages of love openly and often. It may be corny, but anything parents can do to practice communicating and reaching out frequently is good. Here are some ideas to let your kids know you love them every day. Texts are something kids will always read whether they admit it or not. Download these and other ideas to make your home a safe place for communication.

Photo of the words Boys and Girls on bright blue and pink backgrounds
Gender, Parenting Tips, Parents

Tips To Help Parents Understand and Discuss Gender Issues With Their Children

/

Tips To Help Parents Understand and Discuss Gender Issues With Their Children Understanding and discussing gender can be as complex as exploring gender identity or as simple as “blue” versus “pink”. All month long we’ve been sharing tips from our parenting experts on understanding and discussing gender topics with your children. We’ve collected all of the topics we’ve covered as well as some informative links to help you navigate this topic with your children. Be sure to sign up for our parenting newsletter to have information like this delivered straight to your inbox. The Pink Aisle Versus The Blue Aisle Have you ever really considered why the toy aisles at your favorite department store are divided into “boys” and “girls” sections? What makes a toy a “boys” or a “girls” toy? Read more… Understanding Gender Roles Your children’s understanding of gender begins much younger than you might expect. What do you need to know? Read more… Understanding Differences between Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity, and Gender Expression Today’s society is becoming increasingly sophisticated in how we view gender. Experts who work with youth and gender issues share the two most common myths: Gender is binary, offering only two options Gender and sex are the same things. The take-aways: your gender is not based on your anatomy. And people can be “gender fluid” rather than only male or female. Read more… Coming Out: A Guide for Parents of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Gender Expansive (LGBTQ+) Youth Parenting is full of surprises. From the day your child was born, parenting likely took unexpected twists and turns. Parents’ dreams and expectations for their children evolve over time as families create their own paths. When parents learn their child is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or gender-expansive (LGBTQ+), they may experience a wide variety of emotions. Read more… Other Links: https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm/ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/articles-and-answers/ask-the-expert/tips-for-parents-lgbtq-youth https://beechacres.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/Fast-Facts-BAPC-Transgender-FINAL.pdf https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Gender-Identity-and-Gender-Confusion-In-Children.aspx https://www.unicef.org/blog/parenting-lgbtq-children-mental-health https://www.commonsensemedia.org/watching-gender-infographic https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/fall-2007/not-true-gender-doesnt-limit-you https://www.tolerance.org/magazine/summer-2013/the-gender-spectrum https://depts.washington.edu/dbpeds/healthy-gender-development.pdf

Photo of a young girl holding the hands of her mother as she talks to her
Gender, Parenting Tips

Coming Out: A Guide for Parents of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and Gender Expansive (LGBTQ+) Youth

/

Parenting is Full of Surprises – How You React Doesn’t Have to Be Parenting is full of surprises. From the day your child was born, parenting likely took unexpected twists and turns. Parents’ dreams and expectations for their children evolve over time as families create their own paths. When parents learn their child is lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or gender-expansive (LGBTQ+), they may experience a wide variety of emotions. Confusion about their child’s sexual orientation, gender identity, and/or gender expression. Worry about how their child will be treated by others. Concern because they were taught being LGBTQ+ is wrong or even sinful. What Do You Do When Your Child Comes Out? Let them know you love them. For many LGBTQ+ youth, telling their parents is an act of bravery – the hardest part of coming out. Knowing parents love and accept them for who they are allows all kids – and LGBTQ+ youth in particular – to feel confident that they can negotiate the wider world.  Not surprisingly, research shows that LGBTQ+ adolescents who are supported by their families grow up to be happier and healthier adults. Simple sentiments such as, “I love you. I’m here for you. I’ll always have your back” can mean the world to LGBQT+ youth negotiating a scary and uncertain time. Talk and listen. Be intentional about taking time to talk through issues and listen to your child. You don’t need to be an expert on LGBTQ+ issues. Ask open and curious questions about your child’s interests, friends, and experiences. Oftentimes, kids and teens have difficulty opening up, so start small and be persistent. Staying connected makes it easier for your kids to approach you with bigger and more complex issues like sexuality, identity, discrimination, or even harassment and violence. Educate yourself. First, clear up any misconceptions you may have about what it means to be LGBTQ+ and learn about the LGBTQ+ community and the issues faced by LGBTQ+ individuals. Becoming educated helps you become more aware of issues that may arise and empowers you to advocate for your child when needed. Parents can access many organizations and online information resources to learn more about how they can support their LGBTQ+ teen, other family members, and their teen’s friends. And because LGBTQ+ teens are more at risk for bullying or violence, it’s important for parents to watch for behaviors that might indicate their teen experiencing any of these types of issues. If bullying, violence, or depression is suspected, parents should take immediate action, working with school personnel and other adults in the community. Visit our website for information on understanding transgender. Stay connected. Being supportive can be challenging when, as a parent, you may experiencing stress, surprise, or confusion. And teens, by nature, often do not reach out or disclose information. Resist any urges to pull away from each other during these times – your child is experiencing more difficulty with this than you are. And, if either or both of you are struggling, reach out for help. Find a counselor, doctor, family member or community organization to help support everyone through any challenges that may arise. Be proactive about relationships and social media. Positive environments are important to help all youth thrive and develop healthy relationships. However, LGBTQ+ youth face some unique challenges. Because they can be discouraged from being open about their sexual orientation and gender identity, some LGBTQ+ youth rely on social media and phone applications to meet others. While these can provide support and validation, the content can be inappropriate. And encourage your teen to develop safe and healthy relationships. While dating can be unnerving for any parent, encouraging your LGBTQ+ child to date in a way that is age-appropriate builds important life skills and sends the powerful message that LGBTQ+ relationships are normal and healthy. Become an ally. What better way to show your child your support than to become an LGBTQ+ ally? Advocate for a gay-straight alliance (GSA) at your child’s school, which have been shown to make schools safer and boost academic performance among LGBTQ+ students. Push for more inclusive sex education. And if issues arise, speak up again and again to the teacher, administrators, or employers, until the concern is resolved. You can also display a supportive image such as a rainbow or transgender flag or sticker. LGBTQ+ youth are quick to pick up on cues they see in their environment and such displays can make a difference in how they perceive their surroundings. Further Reading: https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/youth-resources.htm/ https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/programs/safe-supportive/index https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/articles-and-answers/ask-the-expert/tips-for-parents-lgbtq-youth https://socialworklicensemap.com/blog/how-to-be-an-ally-to-people-who-are-bisexual/ https://pflag.org/find-a-chapter

Photo of a surprised child covering his sister's eyes
Parenting Tips, Parents

What Parents Need To Know About Their Child Finding Adult Content Online

/

My Child Found Pornography Online! What Can I do? Pornography is easier to find than you think. That’s a scary thought for parents. Exposure to pornography can be through their friends, unsupervised internet use at home or at friends’ homes, late night or cable TV, or older even their older siblings. Lines of pornography have blurred with the amount and nature of sexual imagery seen in today’s media. Your children may even feel pressured to produce sexualized images for friends, partners, or by social media. What do you need to know? Impact on children and teens Seeing pornography can be confusing and frightening for children. Children or adolescents may experience autonomic sexual arousal at the sight of pornography, which can confuse them into thinking they “like” what they see, when in fact their bodies are reacting instinctively without the “approval” of their brain. Children and adolescents can become “de-sensitized” to pornography exposure and this can result in acting out sexualized behaviors with other children and engaging in high-risk sexual experiences by adolescents. With heavy viewing, it can endanger kids’ ability to have a healthy relationship with their body and with sexual partners. What can parents do? Set limits. Parents can set limits for their children as they are learning to make responsible choices for themselves, including limiting exposure to harmful content, and have proactive discussions that help children make decisions about what they post through social media or webcams. Support kids in distinguishing between real and fantasy. Much of porn is completely divorced from reality – the actors’ appearance, attitudes, language, and behavior is nothing like real-world relationships. Parents can help their children develop a critical eye when viewing media, so they see the lies and differentiate that fiction from the joy in loving equitable and respectful relationships. Provide alternatives. Parents can provide information and support for children to grow up able to have loving and healthy relationships. Help them see that pornography doesn’t value people as individuals. And instead, parents can support their tweens and teens in making decisions about what they want from romantic relationships. How to talk to your kids Be intentional. Have a series of discussions on the topic. Like sexuality education in general, the topic of pornography is not one big talk but rather a series of discussions that easily can arise from the content of songs, music videos, video games, movies and unintended or intended exposure to sexually explicit images. Stay accepting and non-judgmental.Interest in sex and sexual imagery is completely normal, so approach the issue in a non-judgmental way. Offer to answer any question. Remaining accepting helps ensure kids are not ashamed of their curiosity and facilitates the development of healthy sexual identity. Tap into teachable moments. Parents and other caring adults need to be able to talk about the impact of hyper-sexualized media in general, and pornography specifically, with children/teens. They can help children develop their media literacy to analyze what they are seeing rather than simply consuming it without question. Discuss family strengths and values. Parents can share their family’s strengths and values, and help children clarify their own values to help guide behavior. For example, a parent might say, “Love is an important value in our family, and in relationships with others. Porn exploits people – it is the opposite of love.”

Photo of a father having a deep discussion with his son
Beech Acres, Natural Strength Parenting™, Parenting Tips, Parents, the talk

Being Intentional About Having “The Talk”

/

Being Intentional About “The Talk” Having “the talk” with your child can be a stressful mile marker on your parenting journey. These discussions can be as anxiety provoking for you as a parent as they are for your child. Don’t stress out! Be intentional about having this important conversation with your child while being mindful of their feelings on the subject. Phasing these topics into your regular conversations with your children and carefully planning out these discussions work really well for most parents. When Is The Right Time To Have “The Talk”?  As with most parenting milestones, the answer really is, there is no perfect time. It really is up to your child and up to you as a family to determine when the time is right. Parents can watch for clues and listen to the types of questions their kids are asking to determine when the time is right to start having these important conversations. It is helpful to begin these conversations as early as it makes sense for your family. It’s never too early to begin having these conversations with your child. Many parents begin discussions around gender differences and privacy as early as potty training or when their child begins recognizing their own body parts. Feel free to use your strength of social intelligence to consider other factors in their environment that may impact your need to have these discussions. For instance, what are other kids talking about, did something come up on a TV show or movie that prompted questions from your kids, do they interact with older children on the bus, in sports or in other social situations where they may need to understand things they may hear? These are all things that could impact the timing of the talk. If the topic doesn’t come up sooner, a good time to begin these conversations may be when schools begin education around body changes. This is a good time to start having your own discussions to clarify the information you are receiving and to answer their questions at home in a more comfortable environment.  Using the school’s discussions is a “door opener” for you to begin the talk. How To Start The Conversation  Many parents find it easy to start the conversation around changes in the body. Sudden growth, the appearance of body hair, the need for deodorant, or the need or desire to begin shaving are obvious physical cues that it’s time to have the talk. Your children may also begin exhibiting an interest in their appearance. All of these behaviors are natural and important opportunities to initiate the talk since speaking with your children about their bodies may help address, diffuse and comfort any anxiety and awkwardness they may be feeling about growing up. Remember though, these are important issues to discuss with your child on an ongoing basis. The focus of your discussions may change as they grow up, but it is important to keep these conversations going. Who Should Have The Talk?  Should mom have the talk with your daughter? Dad to son? Rock, paper, scissors? The best case scenario is that this is a team effort involving both parents presenting a united front. It is important to be very clear that you both are open and comfortable in having this conversation. Parents, this will likely take some pre-pep talking and self-management to make sure your kids are not “weirded out” by you and the topic.  This will go a long way in establishing trust so your kids feel comfortable approaching you with questions and concerns in the future.  Many of us want to create a space where your kids to come to you with these questions rather than turning to their friends, an older sibling, or the internet. If it’s just you, or if your child is much more comfortable speaking to just mom or dad, it’s okay to respect the one-on-one conversation, but important to make sure you are on the same page with what is being shared. They’re Going to Have Questions Aren’t They? Yep! Kids will lean into their strength of curiosity or love of learning. But, they may not ask them right away. That is what it is important to be open and non-judgmental. When they do have questions, let your kids take the lead. Your brain may go all the way to the end of this discussion (i.e. too far), but they may have important questions along the way that you need to answer intentionally. Your kids need you to respond clearly to the questions they have in a meaningful way. Double check with them to make sure they received the answer they were looking for. “The talk” really is about more than just about biology or the act of intimacy. It is really about healthy relationships and helping your child understand how to develop and maintain them in the future. The sooner you begin these conversations, the better. Children these days have so much access to information whether it be from their friends, the internet, or from anywhere that may not share your family’s values. Don’t worry though; with an intentional approach that is mindful of your child’s feelings, you’ll get through this and be on to the next parenting milestone!

Scroll to Top